How do I find the strength to end this relationship?

[gettingabitnervousnow]

DP and I have been together for nearly seven years and have a 11 month old DD. The relationship has always been rocky and in my heart of hearts I always knew we weren't right for each other. Although they don't say it, I know my friends and family are amazed we are still together. We would often get close to spliting up but I never quite had the courage to go through with it. Finally about two years ago, I'd had enough of him being in and out of work, running up large debts behind my back amongst other things and I finished it. He just kept sending me long letter begging me to give things another go, telling me he couldn't live without me and then I found out he was on on anti-depressents and I just couldn't live with the guilt. He also played very much on the fact that he knew I was desperate to be a mum. At the time he said that even if we split up in the future he still wanted us to have a child together and that it would still have two loving parents even if we weren't together.

Anyway, I'm not blamimg him for that. I was a coward and take full responsibility for my actions. But two years on I am so unhappy. In fairness to him, he has stayed in a job now for the last year and he is trying to be better with money... well he lets me organise his finances now. But all those issues aside we have nothing in common. I love and adore my friends and family, he barely has time for his and finds me weird the way I am so close to mine. He is just so intolerant and negative. I don't respect him anymore. Most the time I don't even like him much. A lot of the time he doesn't seem any happier than me and yet he tells me I am the love of his life. He thinks I expect too much out of relationships - I think he has very low expectations.

I told him a month or so ago I'd had enough but he just persuades me to give things a go for our DD sake and that he can't bear to not live with him and see him every day. What am I supposed to do - it seems to me that I have to chose between either his happiness or my own. To make it worse, the house is my name so it will have to be him that leaves which makes me feel even worse. I know that he will try to emotionally blackmail me as he always does but now he has DD as a weapon. I know he would genuinely be very upset if he didn't see DD everyday, but if we split up neither of us would and he knows that I would do everything I could to make sure he saw as much of her as possible. He keeps saying that he wouldn't be able to see DD very often as he wouldn't be able to afford anywhere to rent to take her but I would be happy to pay his deposit and help him out financially until he gets back on his feet. I've even thought of buying a little flat and renting it out to him but as I am still on maternity leave I don't think I'd get approved for the mortgage.

I just can't see how I will ever have the strength to see this through. On the other hand I don't want our precious baby to grow up thinking our relationship and is normal and I know the longer I leave it the harder it will be for him, wheras at the moment he wouldn't know anything different.

I'm so sorry for rambling on, I realise I sound quite insane

[gettingabitnervousnow]

Sorry that should read.. that she wouldn;t know any different.

[EndangeredSpecies]

You don't sound insane at all, I'm sorry that you are going through this.

But why do you feel so much responsibility for him? He needs to stand on his own two feet, you are not his mother.

He sounds really unhappy but you are not responsible for his unhappiness, he's creating it all by himself. Why can't he manage his own finances?