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To be hurt by step-mama..

8 replies

littleboots · 06/12/2009 11:42

I have been very close to my stepmother since I was about 4.I grew up with five other half bros and sisters spending time between Mum and Dads.I now have two children who have called Step-Mum,Grandma absolutely.She was the first to meet them in the delivery room etc..and I have always sent cards/presents and little snippets of info regarding their schooling and so on.Anyway yesterday she posted a msge to my sister n law who is married to my half brother and pregnant 'cant wait to meet my first grandson'.I am hurt and feel strange about it.We have always been so kind to each other and I am now thinking 'what is my son??'.I know 'technically' it is but we have never thought like this?I dont even mention that my bros and sisters are in fact 'halves'?I have just flown across the world to see them all and feel very upset by the situation.I am not usually like this but it is really affecting me?

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Leeka · 06/12/2009 12:09

I would be very hurt by this too, particularly since you make no distinction between half/step/full siblings. Where did you find out about the message, was it Facebook?

I think I might phone and mention that you had found it hurtful, and why, just to give her the chance to explain otherwise I imagine that this will be something that could fester inside you and affect your future relationship, even if you try not to let it.

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dejavuaswell · 06/12/2009 14:31

Surely all she meant was her first grandson from that source - that is their first child.

It never crossed my mind that it meant anything else!

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diddl · 06/12/2009 14:36

It´s a tricky one.
She cares for you & your children, but I suppose will feel closer to her own son´s child?

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CarGirl · 06/12/2009 14:43

I think perhaps you need to have a chat with her that you consider her your Mum etc and that comment has upset you. Perhaps she doesn't feel she can claim "ownership" of 1st dgc to yours because you do have a mum IYSWIm.

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littleboots · 06/12/2009 18:13

Thanks guys,

Its quite bizarre for me to feel like this,we have never felt anything other than love between us.Perhaps a little chat is in order.

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littleboots · 06/12/2009 19:15

I dont know,your right Leeka,it was facebook and it is festering inside me.I am not usually wound up by anything( I am the happy-go-lucky of the family) but they just rang to tell me that the new arrival had indeed arrived and all is well.Normally I would be so excited by this news telling my own two that they have new cousin etc..but I just feel really upset and couldnt face talking to her about it when it was a 'good news call'.Of course there would be something inside her that knows this is special and I am not disagreeing,it is perfectly normal but to say it publicly?I just cant understand it.

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eandz · 07/12/2009 16:28

Aww, Littleboots

I know exactly how you feel. I was raised by my stepmother--even always called her 'Mom' and 'mother'. When my ds was born last year, she still managed to say she couldn't wait for her children to give her a real grandchild.

Thing is, she's all I've ever had close to a mother.