My brother and sister-in-law have recently had their third daughter. We are a close family, live very close, get on very well - always seeing each other etc.
For about 18 months I have desperately wanted another child, but I know that is not going to happen (not because of health, but because of my DP, our situation & finances). DB & DSIL both know this.
I admit I was sick with jealousy when DB & DSIL announced No. 3 (In a big extravagant way, in front of everyone!). I did the big congrats thing etc - hid how I was feeling inside - but then I slipped away to the toilet and sobbed quietly. I admitted to DP I was jealous and couldn't stop crying, feeling down etc.
Pulled myself together and the months went on - bits and peices have happened and I have built up a bit of anger/recentment towards them - but I'm not sure if that is because of the baby or if I would have felt that anyway?! But, brushed stuff under the carpet and got on with it...
However, now No.3 is here, I feel so recentful - I hate feeling this way - I am horrible, I know, and my DB and DSIL deserve so much better than this from me!
I just don't feel anything towards the new baby. I can't help it. I look her and I feel nothing! With my other 2 neices I dashed to the hospital to see them and cried over them and loved them instantly (and am still very close with them both). I look at the new one and I feel like she is an inconvenience - they had 2 beautiful daughters, why did they need 3?! (that's a rhetorical question - I know I am awful!)
But they insist on me holding her and I don't want to. I dread it and have been keeping my distance, which they are beginning to find odd (which it is).
They have so many friends all gushing, rushing round there and wanting to hold and cuddle her. I just don't feel like that at all. However, I am at the point where I am going to offend them if I don't start showing some of that gushing baby stuff soon, but I just can't bring myself to, its just not there.
I am a bitter old trout and I don't deserve the neices and family that I have. This is not the baby's fault, it's just a baby!!
I need a kick up the backside and I need these feelings to go away....but they won't and I don't know what to do!! I feel so rubbish. Wish I could pack up and leave, go somewhere far away.
Come and throw tomatoes at me...
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I am being a complete cow but i can't seem to turn my feelings around
5 replies
skyblu · 03/08/2009 09:44
OP posts:
RealityIsHavingAPartay ·
04/08/2009 07:38
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.