Feel lost and alone and so confused!!! really upset!

[missylea]

I have written a few threads about my emotional abusive p. We split up cause he spat in my face while having an arguement. Since then he has been asking for another chance and said he would try and change things with himself and would even go see someone. There are alot of issues in our relationship as i have dc from previous marriage and ds with him and issues arise over my dc.
Well he has went on and on about us starting to date again so finally i went on a date with him at the weekend (please i no! but be gentle with me) we have a nice time just chilling and talking to each other.
The next day he did something which i wont go into but hurt me and i asked him why and he said he just did and that was it so we had a big arguement! We havent spoken in days and i texted him asking why he did what he did and he said it was silly and wasnt discussing it anymore and he has nothing more to say on the matter.
I was even contemplating going to counselling to try and get the relationship back but now i feel i am at a place where i was that day when he spat on my face, extremely hurt and let down! I felt i was doing really well too on my own with my dc until he started texting me things and getting into my head... Now i feel upset and feel like crying as i feel im owed an explaination but he doesnt think so.
Do i have to start going through the grieving process now all over again as i had in my head that we where gonna try and work things through but how can you when he cant even give me an explaination and what he says goes and thats the finish of it. I probably was being silly about the whole thing but it was the way he handled it after no explaining or no reassuring just im not talking about it. f f f* I need to get him outta my head and move on but it feels so hard this time.

[mrsboogie]

I'm sorry but why are surprised that he did this? You know what he is like. Did you think he'd had a personality transplant?

I remember your thread from before - everyone told you he would carry on doing this type of thing. He will carry on in future. He thinks so little of you that he isn't even bothered pretending to be sorry this time.

Either accept his treatment of you or don't. Stop feeling sad - you have been deluding yourself. Now you know (again) what he is like stop banging your head against a brick wall and move on. Look to the future.

[HolyGuacamole]

I think you need to stop giving him the opportunity to hurt you. That means walking away once and for all and cutting contact.

You gave him another chance.....and he let you down. If there are no consequences, there are no reasons for him to change and he probably knows he can get chance after chance if he bugs you enough.

And just as a side note, I think if someone is promising changes in order to win you back, then they must do the changes first, that should be the deal. I can't think of a great comparison but maybe if you are telling a child "look if you tidy your room, I have a nice new toy for you as a reward"....but instead you give the toy first, the room doesn't get tidied, no lesson learnt. Sorry if that is a crappy example

[blinks]

don't hang about for an explaination.

walk away with dignity intact... he's not worth your tears luv.

[bethoo]

i was in a similar situation adn when i finally left him it was such a relief and i have now moved on with a lovely man who treats me the way i deserve. you deserve better and think of the kids, they will grow up thinking it is normal to be treat and treat women this way. i had to go as far as changing my mobile number so he would stop harrassing me.

[missylea]

thanks mrsboogie you are always the first one to reply to my threads and i appreciate it. I know you are right but its hard and you weaken when they promise they wanna make things better and as i said before i have 1 broken marriage behind me and really wanted this to work and now im beating myself up about it!! I dont want to accept this treatment and i havent most of the time and thats why he calls me a nag cause i dont let him away with much but he has a way of saying that im being silly about this and being jealous and sometimes i question myself about whether i am cause of the pnd. he just rang to say that i cant leave ds off with his family without his consent!!!!

[missylea]

he has just told his sisters (one which is a good friend of mine) that if i ask they to look after ds for a few hours then they have to go through him. I rang his ds and asked what am i supposed to do if i ask her does she wanna see her dn as she says her loyalities lie with her db. I have done nothing but cry since ive got of the phone with her.