Broaching the subject of STDs...

[butterflies2]

Interested to know how people deal with this... If you're going to have sex with someone without any barrier method of protection (i.e. no protection against STDs) for the first time, do you:
(a) Ask them if there's any possibility they could have picked up an STD in the past and trust their answer
(b) Ask if you can both be tested for STDs before going any further
(c) Don't say anything and just hope for the best.

I'm talking about being in a committed relationship, not one night stands by the way

[BCNS]

I'm a B) type girl me.. as nothing is a sure bet and it's always good to have a quick MOT anyway

[butterflies2]

... and do you ask to see the results?

This must sound like I have a very untrustworthy partner who I shouldn't touch with a bargepole! It's not that, I was just wondering how other people handle the situation...

[BCNS]

yes ask for the results.. bit like swapping exam certificates LOL.. and have some champers ready ( bound to be good news).. and go at it like rabbits!!)

noo not untrust worthy at all.. it's just sensible.. lots of nasties out there..

I would have no problem being asked to go for joint testing with a new long term partner.

[butterflies2]

I like the champers idea BCNS!

I guess a small part of me is worried that he might be hurt / annoyed that I'm asking. I don't think he'd say no, I just don't want him to think I'm suggesting he's 'dirty' or anything like that. I guess that might be his initial reaction but after he's thought about it hopefully he'd see it's a totally reasonable request...

[Tippychickchickchicken]

B or barriers. For sure.
Because, I am guessing that if you're on this site then you may have children. If you're thinking of shagging someone new, I'm guessing you're a single parent (as am I). Being a LP, in my experience, makes one doubly careful of one's health because of the responsibility of the children. I just have to imagine who would take mine if i wasn't here . Take no risks!

[BCNS]

I never had an issue with my long term partners. they were fine about it.. and actually said it was a good idea.. we went as a couple

asking someone doesn't indicate that you think they maybe dirty.. just that your looking after your own and their sexual health... all very grown up .

If your happy they are exclusive to you, the sale point on this is being able to skinny dip rather than dry suit diving ..

lets face it either of you could have picked something up in the past.. nice for both of you to be safe

[ridingjoker]

b) always b!!!and yes to seeing each others.

[SalBySea]

I think (a) is too open to interpretation! I have a friend (who worryingly is a health professional!!) who thinks that she could not possibly have ever been exposed to some STDs as she only dates middle class men who are not "dirty"

however I have never done (b) either!

I do ask if they get tested regularly and when was the last time. E.g. before having sex without condoms with my now DH, I found out that he had been tested a few weeks before we met and right or wrong, that was good enough for me!

I have limited tolerance for people who are sexually active and never get tested.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

On the feeling hurt issue; I had a friend who felt the same. She asked, he got all hurt, they had unprotected sex anyway. She now has an STD for life which she has to tell all new partners about.

You should always ask and see results. Anyone who is offended by this is exactly the kind of person who makes this so essential.

[lottiebunny]

Definitely b). You can't be to careful with your health. Just explain to your bloke that you feel that protect both your health and his then you think that you should both be tested for STDs before becoming more intimate.

A decent chap won't take offence at this ime.

[YanknCock]

Definitely B. DH and I went a few months into our relationship. I found the clinic online, passed him the details, and we made our appointments separately for the same week. 'All clear' results came by text message. Can't recall actually showing each other the results, but we both mentioned it to each other when they arrived, and we compared notes on the clinic visit.

I felt quite proud of myself for bringing it up and doing the testing beforehand. I've always believed that's the ideal way to do it, but not been very successful before.