He's trying to take my children away

[DoneWithCrying]

XP and I split up 3 weeks ago after many years. We have 3 ds together 15/13/11. He is controlling and undermining and has no respect for me. My idea to split - I have thought about it many times but never had the courage until now.
We have nothing in common and I got to the point where I thought life is too short - I don't deserve this and I can't take any more. We also have very different ideas on parenting.
House was going to be sold, but he has now decided to buy me out.
I want ds's to live with me. He is a big influence on them in all the wrong ways. 13 yo is attending anger management classes in school.
I have found out that he is speaking to the dc's behind my back and telling them that he is buying me out and that they can stay in this house with him and that he will buy them a a big pool for the garden and a home gym etc. He is also saying how he would miss them etc. I'm so worried that he is going to win them over. In particular 13 yo - he is so like his dad in all the wrong ways and although they clash he idolises him and xp knows that. I feel if I don't do something now he'll go totally off the rails.
He is also slagging me off to the ds's behind my back. My 15 yo (on autistic spectrum)said to his dad "mum's a fucking bitch". I did not hear him say that but heard xp laugh and say "you're absolutely right there". Then ds came in room looking sheepish I asked him what he had said and he replied "I'll have to sensor it, I was only joking - dad started it!". I then explained to him that he should not copy things like that from his dad etc. - I don't want my dc's being brought up like that.
xp is also becoming increasingly agressive towards me and has told me several times that he 'will see me dead' and 'will do time for me'.
Have been to solicitor today who is going to write to him about his behaviour.
He has stayed here tonight (first time in 3 weeks - not sure why).
I just don't want to lose my dc's, or split them up. I feel sick.

[peanutbrittle]

oh god it sounds like a nightmare - you poor thing

afraid have no good advice, wish i had, but didn't want you to go unanswered

hope someone more useful is along soon

hugs

[blinks]

deal with the threatening behaviour first. has anybody else witnessed this?

[DoneWithCrying]

blinks - the dc have been in the house when this has happened.

I have kept a diary of events as 2 days last week were particularly bad. As soon as he'd left I wrote down everything that had just happened and what was said and gave this information to my solicitor.

He came round today and was ok but I know when he receieves solicitor's letter he's going to flip. I might try and set up my camera to record what he says.

[solidgoldSneezeLikeApig]

Contact Women's Aid. Is there any record of his violence or threatening behaviour? Get it on record, get evidence if you can. Remember he has no right to bully you or the children, and whatever he might say about taking the children or throwing you into the street with nothing, you do have legal rights.
Good luck. What a tosser he sounds.

[blinks]

good idea DWC.

I agree with contacting Women's Aid.

[DoneWithCrying]

Thanks for advice solidgold. He is a tosser!

Mrsjammi I couldn't afford to stay here and he couldn't afford to pay towards mortgage as well as a place for him tbh.

I just want my money out so that we can move on. Solicitor said she will send letter and if behaviour continues we will look at taking out an injunction.

I just don't want my dc's to witness this and think it's ok to behave in this way. Much as I hate him I would never slag him off the dc's.