Long distance relationships, do they work?

[EyefullTower]

Anyone got experience of this? Can it work, if so how? (out for the day, will check in later). tia.

[howtotellmum]

It depends what you mean by long distance...

My DH and I lived 80-ish miles apart when we met, so saw each other weekends only for 3 years. We shared the journeys, so he would visit me one weekend, then vice versa. Although it was 80 miles, London was in the middle, so the trip was always 2 hrs or more.

My brother has had more experience of LDR and for him, it didn't work, mainly as the women were not so committed anyway and he ended up doing 4-5 hr journeys each weekend. He decided that regular phone calls and emails etc were needed to keep things ticking over in between visits.

I think a lot depends on how intensely you feel about each other- and what you want the outcome to be. If you are looking for something long-term, then you will put in the effort to travel- if it's more casual, it may well not last long.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Yes. My husband and I started off living in different countries, seeing each other for 1-2 weeks every 2-3 months, and we kept this up for 2 and a half years, then he moved here to be with me. Now we are married with a baby
We spoke on the phone most days even if just for a minute, we spoke via MSN lots, and we really trusted each other.

[bronze]

Not huge distance but for the first year of our relationship we (DH and I) lived 70 milesish apart. I don't drive though so there was a lot of pressure on him. As you can tell though it worked, been together 10 years married 7 and about to have our fourth child.

We also spoke on the phone everyday. In fact the first day we didn't speak to each other I think was quite a while in and it pathetically really upset me. After a year I moved up to be with him though I didn't actually move in with him.

[ABetaDad]

Well I heard of a couple that got married and then he went to New Zealand and she stayed in the UK.

They are still married. They see each other every so often and live together about 4 - 5 months of the year.

I guess it is not much different to say being married to someone in the Armed Forces, a ship's captain, polar scientist or North Sea oil worker.

[MrsGokWan]

My DH and I started the first 3 1/2 years living 350 miles apart. I don't drive, so once a month I would get the bus to London and out again, used to take 8 hours. We would spend 3 days together and I would then come home. Eveery now and then DH would get longer off and come to me. We phoned each other every day, used to spend a fortune in the telephone box.

We have been together as a couple 15 years today

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY US

Been married 10 1/2 yrs and have 3 lovely children.

[FlyingMonkey]

Yep, DH and I spent a year and a half flying to and fro every other weekend between NI to Northern England before I moved to be with him. We have been married 3.5 years and first baby arrived last month

It takes a lot of effort and trust but definitely worth it.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

Hi ET!
not for me it didn't
my own experience was not a great one at all in fact it was a very painful and upsetting time in my life aft.my divorce
{shudder emoticon}
the thought of another one gives me the serious heebie jeebies actually
but am glad it's worked out for others

[LittleMonkeysMummy]

I lived in the Scottish Borders and DH lived in Aberdeen and worked offshore when we met. We used to see each other about every third weekend. And we also had HUGE phone bills!!

My DB works and lives in Norway and his GF lives in London (they met when he was away to London for a training seminar) At least they have Skype so don't spend every penny on phone bills - that goes on flights instead

I very much believe that if it's meant to be it will all work out.

[moondog]

My dh has lived abroad for most of the year for 8 years. Home every 6 weeks and we spend about 3/4 months of every year in whatever country he is in. Not for everyone but it works ok for us.

[MorrisZapp]

Depends what you mean by 'work'. If both parties are willing to travel etc then they can work as well as any other relationship.

But if neither party fancies moving from their home to be be with the other one at some point in the future, then clearly the relationship will only work if don't want to live together at some point.

My best friend is engaged to a guy who lives a two hour drive away from her. It's not that bad a distance, but neither of them truly wants to leave their home area. I see stalemate in their future!

[madwomanintheattic]

dh and i lived in different countries for 4 years before we got married. in the end i gave up my job. 4 days after the wedding he went away with work for 6 months lol.

we are still together, honest
we have 3 kids. i have no idea how that happened.

[cory]

Dh and I lived in different countries for 9 years before we married. Met at Christmas and in the summer, no email in those days and too poor to use the phone except for emergencies. Our correspondence fills several boxes in the attic.

But we were young. Not sure I would have the emotional resilience these days.

[madwomanintheattic]

dh asked me yesterday if i minded if he got rid of all of my letters/ cards. (we are moving again and a bit tight for shipping space lol). he said 'i will recycle them'...
it was quite sweet - he reread the last valentine i sent him 5 weeks before we got married. awww. then he said 'you used to write to me loads' with a hurt expression.
our loss is the earth's gain, eh.

[fourkids]

see here for discussion about the good bits previous thread

[thumbwitch]

Well, yes.
I have been together with DH for 6 years now, married for nearly 2 - but when we started going out he was just about to go back home to Australia (which he did) and we stayed in touch using ICQ (similar to MSN) and skype. He came back for 8 weeks after 8m away, then went back to Australia to do a college course; then back after 6m for a 6m stay and then after that he was only over for a maximum of 2m at a time until he finished his degree, when he came over to work here and we got married and had DS.

So far so good and we are heading off to Australia in a few months time.

Does 10,500 miles win as being the farthest? (before marriage)

[Qetura]

I am especially interested in your LDR, thumbwitch.

This is quite a unique story. I am genuinely intrigued in how you made it work across the miles.

Would you consider opening a new thread for some of us folk who struggle with the logistical challenges of managing serious distances like 10,500 miles?