totally don't fancy husband.

[pouringrain]

hello everyone, i'm here looking for advice on my marriage. the problem is that i find my husband sexually unattractive. he isn't repulsive looking or anything, but i just don't fancy him at all.

i think it started after the baby was born 2 years ago. i've hardly slept with him since. when he tries to get near me i actually feel sick and kind of feel that i don't love him.
we get on okay apart from this and he loves our son very much.

i don't know what to do, i'm 100% certain this isn't just a rough patch, i can't see myself ever fancying him again. so, i don't know whether to leave him or stay in a sexless partnership or try to bring myself to have sex with him again.

i really feel guilty over this and don't know what to do. i've still got a sex drive , just not for him, iykwim. i'm 29 and he's 38.

[mrsmaidamess]

Been there, bought the tee shirt!

Your feelngs will come back. If it makes you feel any better, mine ebb and flow, still and we've been together for 20 years.

Don't see this as the end of your marriage. See it as just a phase. Try and be kind to him, he's done nothing wrong and is probably confused by you distancing yourself from him.

Sage advice on MN is that having sex makes you want more sex. So you can either

get back in the saddle and see where it gets you or

address your feelings, which may be linked to your baby being born (PND?)

[Katrina7]

i dont have any advice. just bump for you.

My sister is in the same situation but she is 40. At 29 i think you are too young to live a life you dont like (?).

[mrsboogie]

I think 40 is too young to live a life you don't like, or 60 come to that!

[ItsMargotBeaurEGGarde]

A load of people will tell you to work at it, the feelings will come back, yada yada.

Years ago, I was in a 'sexless' relationship. TBH, I could have made myself have sex with him, but I didn't want to... It would have felt revolting.

I think you are still young and you should be honest with your husband, not cruel. Don't say "I don't fancy you". Say, I don't see you in a sexual way. I don't want to have sex with you. You must be honest but not cruel.

That will prompt a discussin in which the two of you can decide together whether to stay together for a while longer, or to split up amicably.

Actually, I found that splitting up from a sexless relationship was very amicable.

Your son is still very young, and take it from somebody who left their children's father when the younger one was 18 months and the other was nearly 5. the younger they are, the easier it is. ALthough even my nearly 7yr old has totally accepted the new situation now.

[ItsMargotBeaurEGGarde]

ps, although I didn't have children when I was in your shoes, so it wasn't quite so hard.