Things were going well and now I feel as if I've taken several steps back (life after DPs emotional affair)

[candystick]

Brief background - before Xmas I discovered DP of 13 years was having an emotional affair with an ex from 20yrs ago. They hadn't met up but were phoning/texting, talking of meeting-up, what they still felt for each other etc.

Anyway I asked him to leave which he did but after a few days we talked, made-up, agreed to start again, go to Relate etc

Everything has been going really well. We've managed to spend lots of time togtehr as a couple (without the DC) and as a family -generally making more of an effort. Sex-life has improved x10. More considerate and appreciative of each other in day to day life etc etc

Now the problem -here we are nearly 3 months on and I suddenly feel quite flat and low.

Is this some sort of delayed reaction to what happened?

I find myself realising the enormity of what nearly happened (splitting up) and even thinking that if I hadn't have given him a "second chance" then maybe I would be over the worst of it by now and sorting myself out in a new life, wondering if maybe thats what I should have done.

I also hate the feeling of the loss of trust - never quite knowing whats round the corner ie. one day he could turn round and say hes back in contact with the OW. I'm worried that this will be with me forever.

I do love him and I want us to stay together and be a family so why do I feel so low?

[candystick]

I'm also finding myself wanting to check his phone and computer history which I promised myself I wouldn't do as I feared it would drive me mad.

[Mamii]

You sound like you need a shoulder...
These doubts are perfectly normal. It's very difficult to deal with them when they bubble up to the surface and trying to keep them in is damn near impossible. Trying to apply logic to these emotions doesn't help either does it - you still fall prey to them.
I wish I knew what to say to help - but I'm certainly no expert.
But... I'm here if you want to off-load?

Sending big hug

[toddlerama]

Could be a sort of delayed shock. Allow yourself more than 3 months to feel 'normal' again! You are being so brave to give your family a second chance. Good on you! x

[UghNo]

Deff delayed shock - now you have what you think you wanted you take a long hard look at it and wonder how you can live with it forever and ever and ever... but it does get easier I promise. I'm five months on and have just emerged from this. St Johns Wort helped as I do think I got quite depressed but didn't want to go down the medicine route.

Just remind yourself that this was just a fantasy. He was probably imagining her looking like she did x years ago but she's got baggage now. And at the end of the day he chose you and got a massive fright to boot...

[candystick]

Thanks everyone.

I guess it is a delayed shock. Those weeks before and during Xmas were such an emotional rollercoaster -I was all over the place.

UghNo -did you feel like this after the initial "honeymoon" phase then?

Its a strange feeling that I can't really describe -I almost feel emotionless at times, like I can't be bothered to "feel" anything. Other times I feel like snapping at him which is odd as since all this happened we haven't bickered or snapped like we were prone to doing before.