......but I love him....

[Divvy]

I posted a few years ago, about something that happened in my family.

My dd bf, beat up my dh, broke his cheek bone and 2 ribs. bf didnt have a scratch on him. This was canibis fueled.

dd was 17 then, she said the words, I said to her, he will hurt you one day she replied "he would never touch me" classic sentance of a woman that will one day be on the recieving end.

She is now nearly 20, and I have just found out he is hitting her, throwing her across room.

SAturday morning the police were called, as my other dd was there, so she ran outside the house and called them. He had jsut punched a door off its hinges, and it had hit my other dd in the face.

My eldest dd hit him hard across the face this time, and he had a mark on his face. The police said if they arested him, they would ahve to arrest her as well as she had hit him too!

Surely this cant be right, she didnt press charges as didnt want to be arrested herself!

Any advice? Could my other dd do something as she was hurt, not badly, but it made her nose bleed?

[Lauriefairycake]

Surely your younger dd could make a complaint?

I would stop her going over there if I were you as it sounds like a very volatile situation. Do you get on well enough with your oldest dd to persuade her to call Womens Aid?

And what about your dh - what happened with the court case when he beat him up?

[Divvy]

it never went to court as charges were dropped, as they were both arrested for afray sp as he dragged dh out of the front door and onto the front garden. dh just took it, as at the time bf was 19.

it was only alot later we found out we could have still pressed charges.

[womblingfree]

Could you contact Woman's Aid or similar yourself and see if they can offer you any advice as her family?

Really hope you manage to sort it out - my DD is only 4 but my blood is running cold at the thought of her being in a sitution like this.

[womblingfree]

... try this link - it's a start.

aid family support

[Yurtgirl]

She should read a book Im just about to return to our library

Silent Sisters by Jenny Tomlin and Kim /Challoner
Jenny is Martine McCutchens (sp)mum - Tiffany in Eastenders

Jennys bf Keith behaved like that due largely to Cannibis and his controlling behaviour, awful

She needs to learn that she can do so much better than him

No other advice though sorry - Except give her lots of hugs and reassurance of how much you love her

[Alambil]

0808 2000 247 - WA will be able to help you and her

I hope she gets the courage to leave

I was 19/20 when it happened to me... not a good time, but now I've done my degree and am doing a post-grad course so there IS light after abuse.

Feel free to CAT if you want to talk or if she does

[LoveMyGirls]

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18/19 and did leave, I read a book called "women who love too much" I found it really helpful.

Keep listening and be there for her, she will need you.

Could she go to her gp and go for counselling too?

Obviously she needs to leave him but only she can make that decision.

Has she got many friends or could her sister encourage her to go out with her and make some friends so she's not always with him and she creates a life away from him so when she does leave she's not lonely and ends up back with him because she feels she's got nothing better to do?

[NewAmazingBeginning]

I was hit by an ex. Ended up apologising to him. Can't believe what an idiot I was. Unfortunately love is blind. Offer her somewhere to stay and an ear until she wakes up and sees the abuser he is.

[Divvy]

What about if a child is involved?

[LoveMyGirls]

If social services get involved and they think the child is at risk i think they will tell the mum to get out of the relationship or they could put the child on the at risk register but I'm not 100% about this.

[Divvy]

Would the police not have informed SS already after what happened in the house where a child was, or does it not work like that?

[LoveMyGirls]

I don't know tbh, I know when I was with my ex, my other ex reported me to social services saying that I wasn't feeding my dd properly and that my abusive (they were both abusive though tbh) ex was hitting me infront of dd, how my other ex could possibly think he knew what was going on is beyond me as I hadn't had contact with him for ages! Anyway social came out to see me, saw dd was fine and that I was living with my mum (had split from abusive ex) they were satisfied but they did say if I got back with him they would consider if I was putting dd at risk, they never chased this up though.

I do know of another family where she was told to leave and didn't and the dc's were put on the register but I don't know the full story or if the children were hurt directly.

[Divvy]

ss are going round today....

[eNABlemetobebetter]

How did it go?

[Divvy]

Stayed for an hour, no further action....

[Simplysally]

She needs to get out of the relationship. How long ago did the bf attack your dh? You might not be out of time for pressing charges.

[Divvy]

2.5 years ago. the baby WILL be next, why couldnt they see that?