DP being aggresive? LONG

[Eve34]

DP and I have been together for nearly 5 years. DS is now 2. I belived that we very much had the same ideals to good behaviour, morals etc.
It is becoming more apparent that his approach to dicipline is different to mine.
I am home 4 days a week and do most of the child care etc. I have the approach, to pick my battles. DS is very much pushing his boundaries at the moment. I just sit it out if he is having a tamtrum, regardless of where we are, if possible.
We both praise him loads and interact with him etc etc.
Last night 2 things happened that have caused me concnern. My parents were visiting DS was tired and it was way past bed time as they were leaving. DS does not know them well and did not want to kiss them goodbye. DP sat him on the bottom step and told him he will kiss them, this went ont for a few mins and DS tearfully did as he was told. I was heartbroken.
Later on, we discussed this as I felt it was unecessary, DP said he wanted DS to behaviour etc etc. I explained he is only 2 and still very much a baby. His answer was that he wanted DS to be scared of him and therfore respect him, like he had his father.
I am speechless, why would you want your child to be scared of you.
I agreed that I could be firmer with him as I too want him to be 'good' etc but I explained that I felt that his tone was aggressive and needed to be less so.
I got no where, I can not see how we can find any middle ground here. I also can not let this go.
Suggestions please?

[SmugColditz]

You need to let this go. YOur son was sat on the step for something you didn't agree with, he wasn't beaten, or screamed at. no damage has been done. Personally I'd have picked your Ds up and not capitulated to your husband, but I know not everyone has the same veiws.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

"His answer was that he wanted DS to be scared of him and therfore respect him, like he had his father"

When your partner is calm ask him exactly what lessons he learnt from his own dad when growing up. A person does not get respect for another by being scared of them (he sounds both distant and authoritarian); I reckon your partner does not respect his Dad at all.

I think you are right to be very concerned; on a wider issue is this actually the sort of man you want your son as a role model?.

Your partner has learnt some very damaging lessons from his own father; lessons that will be passed onto your son if you don't act. This man needs to realise he won't get any respect from his son if he is scared of him.

You may want to talk either to Parentline Plus or Relate (go on your own if need be).

[heartmummy]

i was scared of my father (he made us feel this way so we would behave) im now 32 he died 5 weeks ago i felt nothing only pity!!!!

[SmugColditz]

PS if you were heart broken, why didn't you step in and say "No, this is not the way we are raising our son, I will not have him bullied!"/

[Eve34]

Thank you for both answers, I agree, we won't always agree on some areas of dicipline. I also agree that his beliefs will not have a positive imact upon our son. Thank you for the suggestions ATM I will follow them up.

[AbbeyA]

I agree with AttilaThe Meerkat. I would talk to him when you are both relaxed. If your DP really can't see anything wrong with his role model of a father then I would suggest that you both went to parenting classes.
I don't think a DC should be made to kiss someone.