Not sure what has happened with our marriage.

[advice]

I have been married for 10 years and have a 3 year old and an 11 month old.A month ago my husband came home from a week in London at a business conference and told me that he no longer feels the same way about me, no longer loves me and wants to move out to get his head straight.

He is moving out this Friday and I feel really confused. Up until he went away I was very happy and thought our marriage was a good one. I have asked friends and begged them to be honest with me as to if they suspected he was unhappy but everyone has found it all as much as a shock as I did. Even my family GP was shocked as she was under the impression we were a strong family unit.

My initial suspicion was that he must have met someone else but he has strongly denied this. His parents both died 4 years ago, he did not grieve and felt a lot of anger to his father who suddenly cut him out of the will. He says he is in a dark place about this and needs time to sort himself out. I am not sure if this is the case or if he is looking for a 'get out'. He has agreed to individual counselling but not to couple counselling as he feels it would be no use.

Any advice/experiences would be appreciated as I am so confused.

[widgypog]

Hi, recently my sisters fiance came home and decided he didnt want to get married anymore. he started acting REALLY strangely and said it was the stress of the wedding etc. we thought he had met someone else. Anyway the hpuse went on the market etc and he was being an arse, then about 4 weeks after it started he broke down and said he was just really stressed and he still loves her etc.

So it is possible your Dh has done the same and is having some kind of breakdown if the marriage has been good up till now.

Will your Dh go to counselling?

[madamez]

It is possible he is having some kind of nervouse breakdown given the background you describe (previously happy, recently bereaved). He actually may have a point about preferring individual counselling to couple counselling: if he is having a breakdown then that doesn't mean there is anything wrong in your relationship and in a way he needs to prioritize sorting out his own problems.
THis is going to be a very hard time for you, as well and though, if he is having a breakdown he will not be able to give you much support or sympathy, you need to get support and sympathy from other people around you and maybe some counselling for yourself if things feel really awful. Try to be kind and patient to him, but make sure you are extra kind to yourself as well.

[stirlingmum]

Could it be mid-life crisis?? I think any time after 35 this can strike.

They start to ask things like...
"What is this all for??"
"What is the point in anything?"

Could it be he is just a bit depressed?
Maybe if he didn't grieve for his parents and has tried to bury those feelings, they have to come out sometime!