We can not go out without arguing about my past or me bumping into someone I know.

[winegumss]

I realy do not want to go out any more. Every time we do we either argue about something I said or did or saw. My husband seems/rather does absolutely hate my past and the fact that I worked and did quite well for my self. I put an arm on someone to say hello and that is too tactile, I bring up a past party that he was not at and he says that was unnecessary, I have 3 drinks and he says that I drink to get out of control, Isee an old friend who recognises me first and he says why look at them! I cant seem to do anything that is right, he wants me to sit there like a trophy not speaking or saying anything of any interest. I have a mind and enjoy going out but come home time or the next day after 4 hours of arguing I wish I had never gone out. My past wasnt that bad. I am just so sad at the moment. Even bumped into some old fellow at the weekend who was charming and said how lovely i was to work with and dh blew up about this, what did i do wrong? i must have stared at him for him to see me!

[madamez]

Your husband is an abusive, possessive, control freak who is well advanced on the path to becoming dangerous. Yes, dangerous. Sooner or later he will hit you because you spoke to someone/looked at someone. Sooner or later he will destroy some of your clothing and threaten your friends or family in order to isolate you further. You should start making plans to leave him straight away.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

[SpacecadetOnADiet]

agree madamez.
wine..your busband is a potentially dangerous person

[YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch]

Not sure about the hitting but he certainly is controlling.

Why are you with him? Have you spoken to him about how ridiculous and hurtful he's being? Any reason to think that maybe his jealousy is down to something he's done?

[allgonebellyup]

i think some of the other posts may be a little far-fatched but he certainly sounds very insecure and controlling!
Is he always so jealous?

[OverMyDeadBody]

your husband is controlling you and treating you like a posession. I echo what the others have said, his behaviour will get worse to the point of being dangerous. This is not norla rational behaviour. ##You should not be punished for having a past or for knowing other people other than him. He sounds like he is trying to wear you down. You shouldn't put up with it.

What are his good points? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

winegumss

Your husband is behaving in a controlling manner towards you - this is abusive behaviour.

You've likely been conditioned by him over time to accept this controlling from him but you can escape this if you have the will within you to do so.

Would suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

BTW what do your family and friends think of him?.

[captainmummy]

You already think it wuold be 'better'if you don't go out at all. What's next? You feel that you can't see you family becasue it might cause a row? Or you can't phone your freidns in case he goes into one?
Talk to him about it now, he is the one who need to change.

[dividedselfridgesxmaswindow]

Ditto what everyone here as said as far as you have portrayed things. Seek help.

[winegumss]

thank you. i will read the book you recd and i will try to say something to him - tho i do find this subject a very difficult one to deal with. and yes, he has been unfaithful in the past and i think he thinks i may do it back to him, tho i have no intention of ever doing that-plus the fact that i am far too tired to even contemplate that! i enjoy going out but do get afraid it will end in a nargument. he just wont let it go. i want to enjoy being me and who i am. cant think when we are next out but will let you know the consequenses. when you say help, do you mean try relate or something like that?

[Alambil]

Some descriptions of Domestic Violence from Women's Aid website;

Disrespect:

Persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, taking money from your purse without asking, refusing to help with childcare or housework.

Isolation:

Monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives.

Harassment:

Following you, checking up on you, opening your mail, repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you, embarrassing you in public.

Sound familiar? You need to really consider where you go from here and address this. Ignoring it or accepting that it is ok and you can deal with it will only add to it.

I have been in a DV relationship - my ex started off like yours; then he locked me in the house so I couldn't get out when he went out. Then he disconnected the phones whilst locking me in. Then came the physical violence.

These things NEVER EVER EVER go away - dealing with them is the only way to sort this out.

Either go to counselling together or consider your options (ie leaving). Please don't ignore/accept this - it will get worse, I can promise you that.

[bero]

What madamez said sounds drastic but I fear it is spot on. He certainly sounds unpleasantly controlling, and it is unlikely to get better. The arguing and nagging after you've been out is his way of wearing you down so you feel it's more trouble than it's worth and stop.

[lou33]

my husband turned into a controlling type

he was exactly as you are describing your h

it got to the point i was not allowed to look at anyone but him if we went out, and he had me in tears one night because i hadnt kept my legs pointing towards him all evening, so he ranted and yelled saying i clearly didnt love him anymore

even people looking at me , whom i had not noticed, was my fault, however i was dressed

it just gets worse not better, whatever you do to try to appease him, he will find something else to kick off about

dont put yourself through it

[winegumss]

he does things like that lou33 and if I wear a V neck says people can see into my top - nothing there 34aa for goodness sacks so nothing to flaunt! how did you appease your husband then?

[lou33]

i didnt i booted him out lol

whatever i did was never right

he would always find something else to pick on

[StripeyMamaSpanx]

No. Nononononono.

You cannot continue to put up with this.

You have the absolute right to look at, smile at, speak to, touch, know, be recognised by... whoever you like.

As others have said, this will not get better - it is likely to get far worse. He has to change, or you have to get out.

[OverMyDeadBody]

Stripeymama's right. You cannot continue to put up with this. Why are you thinking of ways to appease him?!? Actually all the other posters on here are right, Lewisfan, Lou33, Madamez. You have a choice, you can leave.