what now?

[culfeather]

Another weekend...more fights. DH complains I nag him and dont have a good word to say to him. He's right.
All he does is complain about the things wrong with the house - I am tired of listening to him. I am five months pregnant and can't help with the damn house diy.
We have a 2 year old, I work full time and do the cooking, organising, shopping and laundry. He has employed a cleaner to help (and I have to check her work and complain when it isnt right.)
He lost his patience with our 2 year old twice today...and whined that he just wants some time to himself, wants to go to the toilet on his own, goes upstairs to get changed for his night out and falls asleep...am I supposed to be sympathetic when I have to work harder to do the childcare when he doesn't. God I hate the whining. We have bickered for weeks now.
I feel like we are two people who look after a child, not husband and wife.
Why has it all got so crap?

[Elf]

Because it is crap Culfeather! Small child + pregnancy = tricky times if you ask me.

Sounds like you both have your resentments. Could you try and have a big talk one evening with each of you laying on the table the things that get to you and maybe between you you will be able to work something out where both parties feel listened to and some action is taken.

Good luck. Personally I'm amazed any relationships survive the 'young children' years - so many pressures and problems. Just tiredness is enough to kill so much, without everything else on top.

[crokky]

Elf is totally right

[Elf]

Thanks Crokky

[culfeather]

I have had it today. Dh sleeps off last night, I do childcare, he wakes up. We take child out for a walk...he gets pissed off as child gets covered in dogshit while playing football in the park and insists on examining mushrooms and tree stumps for ages. HE loses his temper with child again. He's tired, we are both tired...but I come home, feed child, feed him, make christmas decorations, tidy up again bafore its time to feed everyone again and put child to bed. Yes we have talked, we have talked a lot but nothing is getting any better. Thanks for listening.

[eyesfront]

Ok, stop talking start doing. think of ONE reasonable thing you specifically want him to do. ask him to do it. (if it is something you want him to stop doing then find a way of making it into a positive thing). ask him to think of something you can do for him (something similar and reasonable). When he does your requested thing, thank him and be nice. if you do his thing for him expect him to thank you and be nice. if he doesn't join in or won't do your thing book a counselling session and go alone if he won't come.

Elf is so right, this is a hideous stage, I know some families thrive on it but it was torture for me too. But that just means you need to work extra hard to keep a grip on your sanity and your marriage. Good luck