Friend's marriage in trouble, what can I say to help her...and what are her rights?

[flyawayhome]

My friend has been married for 7 rather miserable years, during which she and dh have had a daughter who's now 5. Last year they almost split, and I somehow got involved in trying to councel them both and offering a listening ear. Although they tried marriage councelling, her Dh left it after a few sessions. Since then, obviously nothing has changed, they both blame the other and seem totally unable to communicate/ relate to one another. This time her Dh has told their dd he is moving out, before he told my friend, so poor dd is now the go-between in her parents' break-up. (They are not actually speaking despite living in a flat!)

She has been a SAHM for most of the last few years, while he has been employed. He is saying he wants to give a month's notice on their flat, and go separate ways. She has no where to go, no local friends or relations. Would he have to provide financial backing for them to get a new place? She is destraught about the effect of all this on her dd....what can she do? What can I do, without being dragged in to it all again?! I'm pretty sure this time that's it's never gonna be fixable.

[bossykate]

Advise her to see a solicitor pronto. The initial consultation will be free.

[Tortington]

some councils will actually pay the rent on the flat depending on how much it is - rather than re-housing her - becuase there just isn't the property available.

it would be a good idea if she could phone up the council and go and speak to a housing or homelessness officer.

regarding his duty to financiall support - as BK says must see a solicitor

[flyawayhome]

Thanks, I'll pass that on. Any one with any ideas of how to make it more bearable for their 5 year old? And what is her likely emotional reaction to be? Her home life can't be much fun now, but they're both attentive and great parents and she loves them both.....

[eyesfront]

don't slag each other off to her, don't use her as a go-between. If they are both attentive and loving to her and treat each other with respect in front of/to her (whatever is going on face to face) then she stands the best chance.

And for you - when your friend bleats on and on picking over the past until you want to bang her head against the wall, say 'Enough. Move on, make a decision, I'm happy to talk about the future but will not listen to you festering over old wounds'.

With grateful thanks to the friends who said that to me. [hgrin]