Right now I am sooooooooooooooo annoyed

[joanna4]

Just had a call from my mum in law.She has said I am giving the kids money for xmas this time.I have said no please dont they wanted something specific a present will be better.Most of our relatives are very elderly and I will always buy them presents for the kids but they can hardly walk I wouldnt expect it.My mum in law said well I just dont have time I am going here for a week down to see so and so for a week I only have 3 weeks at home between now and xmas.So i then said well i will check out argos and reserve it on line and you can go collect.This is what is sticking in my throat- she said no i cannot be bothered trailing here and there for stuff it will have to be money end of.
Last week i turned down my sister on xmas day out of fairness to them and so they would have somewhere nice to come on xmas day.I am thinking now why should I bother we hardly see them they come home from caravan 2 days a week and if we cannot fit in to go and see them then its tough but they will not break their plans.Even the day my hubbys gran had a suspected stroke they still went although she was in hospital and they had planned to go out with friends.When my dad died they came home the day of the funeral despite me needing them to come and look after their grandkids for an hour so I could take my mum to the chapel of rest- they had othr plans I ended up taking my kids with me - luckily my friend works there and was able to entertain them.I am sorry I am going completely off on a tangent now but they are so selfish.I am more disgusted with her tone she was downright rude.

[newknifenewslainthreadslayer]

You actually discuss present giving with those who are doing the giving in this way? Wow. I tend to be very grateful outwardly, even if sometimes I seethe within.

[HappyWoman]

Come on rise above it and take the money and then buy the present yourself.

You will feel better in the long run by doing the best for the children.

I have an awful relationship with my inlaws but i always make sure that the children do not pick up on it. It is not always easy but believe me they are the ones missing out.

I know this is all much easier said than done and i have had years of practice. I now just dont bother at all - i still send them cards etc but do not change any plans for them - if they come here they have to just join in with what we are doing and that now suits everyone no one feels they are missing out.

[joanna4]

No just to clarify last week she rang me specifically to ask me if there was something the kids wanted specifically for xmas.I told her I would think on it and get back to her.We have one child with a near christmas birthday and it saves duplications.She always asks what they would like.I am grateful they will be getting anything but a little thought in to it would have been nice.

[catsmother]

I tend to agree that present givers like this would wind me up inside too but I would be too scared to say anything.

However, in light of what you've said about Xmas Day, I'd be tempted to serve them up something very simple and ordinary - such as sausage & mash - and if questionned, breezily wave your arms in the air and claim you didn't have the time this year to plan, buy and cook a "proper" Xmas dinner. The kids won't be bothered about anything except pressies.

Save the "real" one for Boxing Day !

[joanna4]

Happywoman I have turned to the wisdom of mumsnetters so that the kids do not overhear any conversations- cos right now I have to vent it somewhere.The kids think the world of them particularly their grandad he is the only one they have now I wouldnt want that changing.

[newknifenewslainthreadslayer]

I don't have the same problem as you with presents from grandparents but I do find the fact that they callup and ask what to get rather a shame. While I appreciate that getting a gift that is wanted is worthwhile, all this discussion of gifts really takes the fun out of xmas for me.

[joanna4]

I understand what you are saying and yes you are right it is a shame, my mum will always get them what she thinks as she is in touch with what is in and what they would like, she is always spot on.
My in laws see my children so infrequently that they have no idea what they are into.This is largely due to them being away so much and seeing so little of them.Even when they are at home it is only for 2 days a week and we have been put off several times due to neighbourhood watch meetings.I kid you not.

[newknifenewslainthreadslayer]

I reckon you should make the suggestion that tey use the money to book a little day trip out to get to know the grandchildren better so that next xmas they'll have a better idea what they're into. My mum s like yours and even though she isn't physically around much, she does keep in touch about the dc.

I wouldn't even talk about it, it's not worth it. Just write it off, the dc won't care.

[joanna4]

I know you are right forgive me for not putting in your name lol but I keep getting half way through and it starts to look blurry.

[newknifenewslainthreadslayer]

lol

[joselyne]

It sounds to me like this is more annoying to you because its a the end of a long list of other annoying things that your MIL does.

I can completely sympathise with you, having a MIL from hell myself. It gets to the stage where even the slightest thing that perhaps wouldn't annoy most people annoys you because there's so many other annoying things that have happened over time.

I think she was rude to make comments about not enough time especially when you made it easy for her by saying you'd ring and reserve at argos.

Don't bother to buy her a present for Christmas just get a gift voucher so you don't have to waste time hunting round shops to find something for her.

Make this the last Christmas that they spend with you. Tell them this Christmas that you're going to spend next year with your sister.

[joanna4]

I think that today has become the final nail in the coffin and most likely you are right it is a build up of lots of stuff.
I havent actually asked them over for xmas I just turned my sister down with a view to asking them over.I know they wouldnt refuse as everyone else in family have made their plans clear- strangely enough none of them involve them.So now I might just not ask them anyway and do what I want to do they would be no wiser.