New Relationships?

[Alley22]

Hi, Im new to this site but very impressed with the tips and advice I have read so far. I have a little boy of 22 months, and I am so lonely. As I am renting, financing a car and childcare on my own there is no spare cash to have even the odd night out, so I spend most of my time with my parents, who are great. But its catch 22 situation, cant afford to go out, never meet anyone - I think it may have been bad luck that the last 2 relationships I attempted at failed within the first two weeks (never introduced them to my son, but told them straight away about him as im so proud of him) and made me feel that there was something wrong with me.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever find someone, and I feel like the months just slip by without me ever meeting anyone new. Im only 22 so I know ive got a lot of time but still doesnt help how I feel now.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? My little boy does see his dad once a week, and things are quite friendly for his sake but he left when I was pregnant and I feel a slight bit of resentment for that, but things werent working so it is much better for my son that things have worked out this way, i just feel i have a different side to me that I would love to see again, and im ready for a relationship. I think it makes it worse when the kids are in bed, you spend a few hours each night on your own.

[crystaltips]

Hi Alley22 - Welcome to mumsnet A quick solution to your lonely night - come and surf and chat to other mumsnetters - I have found a lot of solace in the advice and troubles shared.

Where do you live ?
Is there a beach / park in your area ? I advise weekends as there tend to be more single Dads out and about then

HTH ( Hope this Helps )

[Alley22]

Hi crystaltips, thanks for the warm welcome, the only problem is that i can only access the computer at work (i work 3 days a week) or my parents, i dont have a computer at home..
I live in a small town in Kent, where there is not a lot to do of an evening with children, although we do have lovely beaches and parks which my little boy loves. Its not the sort of area where you see people walking around with their families well into the evening, unless the weather is unpredictably warm!

[aloha]

Oh, can you not buy an inexpensive computer?
Do you ever meet anyone through work? Can you join something a couple of nights a week that wouldn't cost much money - for example, volunteer for a charity to do with one of your interests? Learn to paraglide??? Do a course? Take up tennis/golf/running and join a club? Just trying to think of places you could naturally meet more people. Would your parents be happy to babysit while your child is asleep (not much to ask!). You sound very short of money, does your child's father pay towards his care? He should do, and that might I have a close friend in a similar situation so I know it is hard, but you are very young. Also, tell all your friends you want to meet someone, you never know, they might know the perfect person but have never thought to introduce you. Good luck.

[aloha]

Oops, post got mangled. Meant to say, your ex's money might let you have the odd night out.

Also do you keep in touch with friends? Can you not just go round to people's houses for a pizza and video etc or invite them to yours. It's not the same as a boyfriend but will get you socialising again and help with the loneliness.

[Alley22]

Hi aloha, thanks for your reply. Taking up a hobby or a course at college are good ideas. A computer is out of the question for a while, i have still got things in boxes at home until i can buy some furniture!

His dad does pay maintenance and has always paid on time, hes good really.

I dont think it helps that my job is quite an isolated one, even though a lot of people work there I dont tend to see many people where my office is situated. The company I work for has a social club - perhaps I could join there?!Id have to wait till payday for the joining fee - nothing much in this life comes for free anymore..!

Thanks for all the great ideas.

[Alley22]

just read your other message!
Ive got three good female friends, two of them are single and in the pub every night of the week and the other friend spends every spare minute with her new fella..! cant win!

[Jendy]

Hi Crystaltips. Not in the same situaltion but still sorry you're feeling lonely.
Not sure if I've got any good advice. Have you access to any free education or activities that you might enjoy, could you take up a hobby or evening class, many places offer free places you might find they have creche facilities. I know it won't necessarily be a solution to having a relationship, but doing something you enjoy with other like minded people could build friendships of either sex.

[WideWebWitch]

Alley22, I think I know how you feel. I was a single mum for a while when my son was 2 and a half and it's soooo hard. I know that feeling of being on your own at nights. I'd have a day out with ds and friends and then we'd go home (while all the other mums were waiting for their partners to get in it seemed) and once ds was in bed it was just me. It was so lonely at times and I hated it. I also despaired of meeting anyone.

It helped me meeting other single mums. We'd spend nights at each others houses, put the children to bed and cook for each other, drink some wine, watch a film, chat etc. It really made a difference. Is there a toddler group you could go to where you could maybe meet people in the same position? Once you have, maybe you could set up a babysitting circle so you take it in turns to babysit/go out? Also, if your ex is nearby would he look after your son so you could go out sometimes? I know you've still got to find the cost of drinks but not having to pay babysitting would help. The other suggestions about attending a class sound good too. And on the very bright side - you're 22!!! You have loads of time to meet someone who's right for you, although I'm sure that doesn't help Right Now

And I wish I'd had mumsnet back then, it really does while away the evenings. So maybe you could think about a second hand computer at a later date. I met my wonderful dp when ds was nearly 3 and I was 33 so there is hope! Good luck, let us know how you get on.

[crystaltips]

Jendy,
Thanks for the concern but i was trying to give Alley22 the advice as she is the lonely one.... However looking at my B*Y Football post - perhaps I have better take up an evening class whilst DH slobs in front of the TV

[Alley22]

Feeling better, mumsnet is helping considerably already, im using other computers until i can buy a second hand one! so forgive me if some replies are few and far between! I planned a night out last Saturday night and had a really good time, so I feel a little more confident now! was even bought a one or two (or three!) drinks! and my friends are fantastic, i am lucky really - although my head was a little sore the next morning! wondering whether to join an agency of some sort, not as a last measure but would like to meet a like minded guy. Any thoughts or any experience with that? or do you think its a bad idea?

[SimonHoward]

Alley22

I met my DW through the local papers Heartlines colum so it can work. I had also tried agencies before and been ripped off so be careful.

[ionesmum]

Alley22, my aunt met her dh through Gingerbread - they were both single parents. The previous suggestion of evening classes or similar is good because you will naturally meet people with similar interests to you.

[Tinker]

Alley22 - could you get a job working in a pub for one or two nights a week? Earn money and feel like you're out meeting people. At 22, you'd be well in demand as barmaid.

[Alley22]

Hi Tinker, thats a good idea, I saw a job advertised in the paper waiting and serving in a bar, I would have to get over the confidence thing at first tho.. ive spent far too much time on my own, wouldnt know where to start with the comments in a bar! My friend did it for the same reason, and lastest two weeks as the staff had bets on who would bed her first and she found out and left... ouch.
Also, I would probably only be able to do it for one night, as I havent a partner my parents would have to look after him/sleep him as it would be late and they're getting old, one night a week would be enough.. do you think i could find something for just one night?
Also, good news I am starting an p/t interior design college course in a few weeks!