should I feel obliged to go to wedding? (longish)

[amateurmum]

My uncle S and long term partner have just sent us a very short notice invitation for their wedding next week.

I really don't want to go .......
Have not seen S for about 6 years and we don't really get on (this is mutual btw)
When we lived near to S he caused some problems (not insurmountable but very irritating) for dh at work
I would have to take children out of school (SATs week) and drive for 3 hours on my own with ds8, ds6 and dd2 and then occupy children at an evening wedding and reception.
My mum is having an operation that day
In fact, can't think of anything I want to do less on Friday.

But... S's partner is terminally ill and I assume this is what has prompted the short notice wedding.

So, moral dilemma, - should I go because of S's circumstances? - if it were not for his dp's illness I would certainly refuse politely and send present.

[gigglinggoblin]

refuse politely and send present.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Could you go on your own? Can anyone else help with the kids?

Until you said about the terminal illness, I couldn't see any reason to go ... I'm not sure it makes sense to go, even given that. How badly don't you get on?

[WideWebWitch]

Don't go, I wouldn't. You don't like them, it's short notice, I can't think of one reason why you would go. Decline and send a present if it assuages any (unnecessaty imo) guilt you feel.

[Anniegetyourgun]

He may be only asking you out of a sense of duty and be quite relieved if you can't come. You have plenty of good practical reasons why it would be very difficult. Any chance of sounding his partner out to see how important it is to her that you should be there?

[amateurmum]

There has not been a particular fall-out since the problems when we lived near each other, we are very different and have never made the effort to keep in touch.

In an ideal world, i would go on my own, but dh is away for work and my mum, who would usually have dcs for me, will be in hospital.
It is too long a time, I think, to ask anyone else to look after children.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Refuse politely and send gift vouchers from a department store.

I would not attend either; you have a lot of good reasons why you should not go to this not least of all your three children and your Mum having an operation that same day.

I haven't even got around to the facts that you also don't like them (I read this is mutual) and have not seen this uncle for six years.

[amateurmum]

anniegetyourgun - he may indeed be asking out of duty. This makes me feel better about possibly not going.