irritated with 'friend' and feel like a mug - what do I do?

[geekgrrl]

I went to school in Germany and came to the UK when I was 17. I'd pretty much completely lost touch with everyone from school in Germany for various reasons but was very happy to be contacted by one of my former closest friends in December last year pretty much out of the blue.
She had recently come to the UK for work and as it happened was only 1.5 hours away from me now. However, over the next few months it transpired that her job was an absolute nightmare and I helped her through all the mess, with phone calls, lots of advice about where she can go for help etc., what to do next etc., etc.
She'd come to stay with me frequently and I arranged for her to see my GP because she was poorly, and then when she was kicked out of her accomodation I drove there to pick her and all her stuff up. She'd managed to accumulate a mountain of luggage and there was no way she would have got it onto a train, so muggins here picked her up and we went back to ours. I then paid for her plane ticket back home (£125) because she doesn't have a credit card.
She left the luggage mountain at my house, with the intention of moving back to the UK after 4 weeks visiting relatives etc. at home.
Well - 3 months have now passed. The only communication I've had from her are 2 text messages. I emailed her and then texted her, she replied with some old bollocks about not having received my email. Last text I got was 'New boyfriend, new job, all great, didn't get your email and have lost your email address'. I replied and texted her my email address, surprise surprise, I haven't heard from her.
I'm really disappointed - she's 32, I'd expect a bit more reliability at this age. And she was always such a good friend - one of the quiet and dependable ones. And now this. I've got a huge pile of luggage here (6 bags and one enormous suitcase) that I don't want cluttering up my spare room any longer, and I'm £125 out of pocket. I really don't get the money at all - I'd be mortified and would want to pay it back straight away - and I know she's got £180 in her UK account because her bank statements get sent here and I opened one accidentally.

The only apparent way I have of contacting her is by text because she hasn't emailed me. I hate becoming confrontational.

[ggglimpopo]

Why don't you ring her?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Make your next message the one where you bill her for storage, and explain kindly that if it is not paid within one calendar month you will sell the items to cover the sum owing.

[geekgrrl]

mmmh - mainly because I only have her German mobile number and it will cost me something silly like £2 per minute. I feel so cheesed off and out of pocket already...

[ghosty]

I agree with ggg ... why don't you just ring her and ask her what her plans are for shipping her stuff. Tell her you need the room for visitors ...

[Anniegetyourgun]

Downside of that, ghosty, is that she'll be expecting geekgrrl to do all the packing and pay the shipping costs.

Or how about "I hope you don't mind, we've arranged to have your stuff taken to the local auction next week, if you let me have your address I'll send you any money that's left over when it's sold."

[geekgrrl]

TBH there's no way she'd get the stuff shipped from here to Germany for under £600 I reckon. Which I'm pretty sure she doesn't have spare.
I don't really want to ring her. It's expensive and the thought of having to spend lots of money on chasing her annoys me even more. She's got my home number and I'm always here, she could bloody well ring me.
And I want my £125 back.
I'm so peed off

[NotQuiteCockney]

It sounds very annoying indeed.

I would send her a text or email to make clear that you are annoyed. Maybe she doesn't realise how annoying the bags are, and how much space they take? Maybe she's forgotten that she borrowed the money?

Is she generally this rubbish?

[WideWebWitch]

I think you've got nothing to lose really, you're not friends with her any more, you feel taken advantage of (understandably) so in your position I'd text her to say you're getting rid of the luggage unless she makes arrangements within a week or so. Tell her you want an acknowledgement of your text and you'd also like the £120 transferred to your bank account. Then make arrangements to get rid of the luggage and forget about everything else, you might end up writing the cash off to experience I think, it would take a lot of energy to do much else.

What a PITA, I'd be peed off too.

[WideWebWitch]

And in doing what I suggest you at least get rid of the luggage AND ask for your money AND let her know how pissed off you are. And if she does nothing at least you've got your room back.

[Anniegetyourgun]

It is a well-observed phenomenon that the quickest way to lose a friend is to lend them money. The oddest part is that it's usually the borrower who ends the friendship rather than the lender. I think, sadly, the rule has to be, never lend money that you can't afford not to get back. Then you might be pleasantly surprised but at least you won't be disappointed.

All you were doing was trying to do the decent thing by a friend in trouble, too. So much for decency and kindness. indeed.

[pinknfluffy29]

text her saying you need her address as she has post at yours. then send her a letter which bluntly states how you feel and that you need your spare room back and that she should come and picke her stuff up within 14 days and pay you the money owed or it will be dumped!!!!

she really has took advantage of such a lovely friend - how can people be so blinkered that they dont see what selfish "world revolves around me" people they are!!!! i am so glad i am a "nice" person like you but oooohhhhhh it makes me angry!!!!! lol

good luck!!!

[sandcastles]

See what you can find in her luggage & sell it to get your money back.....doesn't sound like she wants it!

[LoveMyGirls]

Do you think she would phone you if you sent her a text along the lines of

"having such a terrible time really need to talk to you please call me" love xxx

Then when she phones you tell her everything shes put you through and tell her you are selling her stuff and that ur friendship is over because shes been an inconsiderate ***.

[geekgrrl]

I think you're right, I have to stop being so muggishly nice and just tell her to pick her bloody stuff up and give me my money.

She was a good friend at school
not crap like this at all

I was really pleased to be in touch again after all these years

[ggglimpopo]

Ring her and say 'I have visitors coming at the end of the month and I need the space in my spare room. If I don't hear from you in the next two weeks I will sell/junk your bags. I would also like to know when I will be getting my money back. Please email me or telephone me'. Even if it costs you a fiver you have done it. I would also send this via text and to her parents home address (if you have it). You could also say in the text how let down you feel by her.

I had this years and years ago. A friend went to New York on holiday, met a man on the subway and never came back. I finally gave all her stuff away as I had no means of contacting her - i kept it all for about three years in the loft!

[ghosty]

I still think you should actually ask her what she is planning to do with her stuff. Maybe she thinks you are ok with having her stuff indefinitely. Ask her by text. If she doesn't reply by say, a week, then get shitty.

That that's just me. Maybe she is one of those people that goes through life thinking the help she is given is gladly given and has no idea she has pissed you off.

[compo]

Poor you
I would trxt her like ggg says 'we have isitors coming at the end of the month and need the spare room. What would you like doing with your bags? I also would appareciate the £125 as quickyl as possible'

[Anniegetyourgun]

Maybe she isn't like it usually. Some people get totally thoughtless when they're in "lurve", everyone and everything else goes out the window. Wrapped in a gossamer blanket of ecstasy and all those naff phrases.

[tigermoth]

Definitly think it's time to tell hee what you want.

Is there anyone you know, like parents and other friends, who might have her landline address? If you had that, you could talk more easily.

If not I think you should text her one more time asking her to contact you urgently as you can't store her stuff any more.

Give it a week then phone her parents.

[warthog]

i'd text and say 'when are you picking up your luggage and returning the £125?' short, blunt and to the point. then if she doesn't respond, say you'll be selling what you can and binning the rest to cover costs.

very bad friend indeed. shocking behaviour.

[Freckle]

I'd go one further and tell her you are thinking about moving and that you will not be able to transport her stuff with you. Ask her what her plans are to collect (don't mention sending it on as that lands you will all the hassle) and could she transfer the £125 into your account as you need it to go towards moving costs.

She really is taking the piss.

[LazyLine]

Sell all her stuff and get yur money back.

Then when she asks you for it back, just say "What stuff? And who are you?"

[Pages]

She's taking the p@@@. I would definitely dump her stuff or sell it.

[cylonbabe]

try 0844 calls, ill see if i can get the germany number for you.

[cylonbabe]

germany mobile Superdeal! 0844 566 69 69
dial this number, then follow the instructions. calls will cost you 5 pence per minute. tell her she needs to pay you back, etc