Ok, firstly this is about an ex so in a way I should just forget it, but...
My ex used to seem annoyed whan I remembered stuff, or expected him to remember stuff. In particular, I'd remember things he said abut his childhood or life before I knew him, sort of building up a picture of him in my mind, and this really annoyed him. One thing in particular is sticking out, which is where he'd mentioned that he had an aversion to xyz thing, and recounted a story involving xyz thing as a child, as if in explanation. I tucked this away for future reference/to bear in mind. But then, on another occasion some months later, he seemed happy with xyz thing, and I was like "Huh? I thought you said...." and he was really cross. He said that was the problem with me, I always "read too much into things". It weirdly led to a blazing row.
Now, years ago I had another ex who he (initially inexplicably) reminded me of (which was a large part of why I left). And it was something to do with this thing of things not adding up, as well as them apparently having a poorer memory than me. So with long-ago ex, he was over a decade older than me, and had travelled a lot. But he didn't seem to like me asking questions and couldn't seem to remember even his rough age at the time of different trips. He said it was harder to remember as you got older, fair enough. But now I'm his age and have also travelled a fair bit and I could tell you when and bore you in great detail with tales if you were so inclined. It turned out he had exaggerated a bit (pointlessly), and also daily stuff didn't add up because he was an abusive fuckwit who was cheating on me regularly. But so much of it was pointless lies!
And that seems to be the case with more recent ex. (Who also, interestingly, did the "when you get older you forget" thing - also older but less age gap). It was pointless for him to lie about xyz thing, it didn't appear to be advantageous to him to lie. Also, most stuff that didnt add up with him was vaguer, more like I couldn't get a clear mental picture of who he was.
I suppose I'm wondering how much is them and how much is me. Do I have a freakishly good memory? I think I might do because I can think of a couple of occasions where (nice, non-abusive) people have mentioned this - one in surprise years ago, and one where they were pleased I'd remembered something difficult was going on for them (they knew in advance it would happen). I also wonder if it's weird to want to have a sort of mental picture of someone, where what they do and stuff they say about their past (even if you have to read between the lines) sort of all slots togther coherantly as you get to know them.
I know I am weird on one thing, and that's when something interesting/exciting happens I like to know all the details so I can clearly picture the scene in my head. I dont actually quiz people (although may are happy to go into detail) but I'm wondering if this might imply I have a weird need in general to know rough timelines and stuff that other people just don't care about (with a partner Id love to have a detailed timeline of their life but would never actually ask! But just knowing if they lived in South America for a year when they were 20 or 25 doesn't seem too much? Unless we're in our 80s I guess - but I'm 31!).
Sorry it's weird but I'm trying to learn to distinguish red flags from my own weirdness.
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Why would he do this? Is it me?
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BBCNewsRave · 16/01/2017 17:25
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