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Relationships

Ending a relationship with someone who has anxiety/depression

5 replies

HouseAtreides · 16/01/2017 12:39

That's it in a nutshell really. I have been with my DP for over a year. He has severe anxiety and when I first met him (through a friend online) he didn't even leave the house. As we began chatting he came out of his shell and out of his house, and now he is a very long way from his former self.
HOWEVER. He still self medicates with cannabis, has missed several Addaction appointments that have been set up for him to start cutting down the amount he smokes, and is constantly running out of money. (He doesn't borrow from me but his anxiety goes through the roof and he is nitpicky, overreacting to everything and sulky).
All his promises to get help have come to nothing. I have over the past year gone to his GP with him, paid for him to see a therapist and arranged for him to speak to a drugs counsellor. It has all gone by the wayside.
He adores me and says I am everything to him. The thought of us breaking up makes him cry. He is sweet and kind and tries his hardest to do little things for me to please me. He has said on many occasions, when he is feeling down, that he knows I could do better than him and that I should just get on with my life and move on without his dead weight.
I have tried. I have tried and tried and tried. But when I can't even include him in holiday plans because he will want to take a fat bag of weed along, things have palled hugely. If I come clean that I no longer feel the same way, he will be distraught and destroyed. I honestly don't know what to do.
Sorry if this is disjointed- there is probably a pile of stuff I have missed out. I just need some advice.

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Lovemusic33 · 16/01/2017 12:47

'He adores me and says I'm everything to him', if this was true he would have gone to the appointments and made some effort. I know from my own expereance how crippling anxiety can be, I have self medicated myself as meds from the gp ( antidepressants ) have so many side effects and take so long to work

I think you need to leave until he has started going to appointments and starts putting in the effort, if he doesn't want to put in the effort then maybe it's time to walk away, I know it's hard and you feel responsible for him ( you care about him ) and it is sad when people have mental health issues but you must put yourself and your mental health first or he will drag you down.

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fallenempires · 16/01/2017 13:02

Agree with pp.He needs to be addressing this head on.Reliance on weed won't help him.
I think you know that you have to walk away,the illness often wrecks relationships.You have to be very strong yourself to maintain a relationship with someone who suffers with anxiety & depression.Likewise your OH needs to seek the available help if they truly love their partner and want to hold their relationship together.

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Charliepeace83 · 17/01/2017 23:03

Hello,
I have a sort of similar situation to you. I've recently split from my boyfriend. We've both realised he's struggling with terrible depression and we just can't do a relationship when he needs to sort himself out.
He self medicates :( it's horrible to see.
He.has at least admitted to himself this is what he's doing.
I didn't want to leave him but he can't cope with a relationship. It's heartbreaking.
Can you speak to his close friends or perhaps his mum? That would ease the burden.
I know you care but you also have to look after yourself. You've probably put him first for quite a while. Also is this what you want forever?
I worry everyday that my ex will do something bad or hurt himself however I also know he needs to be on his own to sort out his mood/feelings and I cannot make it disappear.
Make sure you tell your boyfriend that if he needs you you will be there but you want him to get better for himself before embarking on a relationship.

Good luck xx

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notagiraffe · 17/01/2017 23:09

Is he aware that weed might be exacerbating the problem? I sympathise with his need to self-medicate but weed can be a real downer, and although it may alleviate anxiety, it might be adding to his low mood.