My husband.

[Eddie900]

We are due to have ivf next month after almost a decade of trying to conceive (ivf hasn't been able to happen until now for various reasons). We are both desperate for a child. Last night hubbie went on work xmas do. Beforehand we discussed that drinking heavily isn't great at this stage. He was annoyed at first...I showed him research/ evidence and he agreed he'd just have a few drinks and not get really drunk. He also did his own reading. He came home very drunk. I'm upset. Perhaps a one off drinking spree won't mess up our chances of success...but it's the fact that he's not willing to do his best for this to work. There's so little he can do and so much I've got to do and he wouldn't even do his little bit. I know lots of people do drink at this stage (and I'm not judging that) it's that we made a decision that he wasn't going to-he agreed. He is now really apologetic. I feel like I can't rely on him.
He says it was only one night and he'll make up for it now.
Thoughts please? Am I being unreasonable?

Thank you.

[Naicehamshop]

I think you are allowed to be a bit unreasonable in your situation!! He was an idiot, but you can't change that now so try to move on. Best wishes.

[Growingbeanno2]

I can complete understand why you'd be upset and annoyed. However, and obviously I don't know more details than what you've said but I so think you're being unreasonable in feeling not being able to rely on him.

I'm guessing he's feeling helpless in everything, especially as his part is going to be very small in the grand scheme of everything in the IVF and this probably triggered a lapse in judgemental control.

I'm sure he's feeling remorseful and hope you can talk about it and why he feels it happened.

[Bluntness100]

I think you're being a bit unreasonable yes. He probably just got caught up in the spirit of the event, maybe he needed to let off steam, its stressful for both of you, and I don't think a one off event means you can't rely on him.

[Eddie900]

Thanks. Really helps reading other perspectives. It's so difficult. I'm doing so much for ivf. I'm eating super healthily, taking meds and that's before the ivf even starts. I just want him to take this seriously. In some ways he does. It just seems a bit rubbish if he can't stand by me when baby isn't even conceived. I guess it's good to see you all disagree. I spent evening while he was out cooking soups, super healthy food. Hurts that he was working against ivf whilst I was doing the opposite. I'm guessing I sound crazy?

[Ratbagratty]

Nope, I would be upset too. I was in a similar situation trying to get my body ready to even be considered for information, which involved a diet change and it would really upset me when he would eats things I wasn't to have in front of me. I completely understand how you feel, I spoke to my DH and explained it, we found a compromise. Good luck

[Ratbagratty]

Auto correct, information should have said ivf.

[Growingbeanno2]

It's absolutely understandable to feel like that but can you see how he may feel completely useless. You can do everything and you have to do stuff ie medicine etc and then the hormones and the procedures when all he needs to do it wank into a cup.
There's nothing more he can do. Alcohol in that quantity as a one off has such a miniscule affect on sperm production that it really doesn't affect him anyway and shouldn't affect the IVF, hell the odds are crap anyway(I don't want to be shitty but it's true).

He needs to stand by you and it seems he does with all the years of trying, the participation in reading the research etc and I'm sure this one night will not affect that.