I have a horrible relationship with my mum. I don't know who to blame, and more importantly, how to resolve it. I have seen many threads about narcissistic/toxic parents but not sure if I am trying to justify my own feelings.
How do you get to 1) identify the problem; 2) find a solution? It has been a complete drama always. Now it is affecting my children who adore her (to me this means something about her being a nice person; most people seem to really like her and this is not always the case for me). I lost my father many years ago.
She has decided not to come for Christmas because we don't treat her well. This is the usual complaint and I am not sure if she really has a point, or how to change this. I see my kids (now 9 and 11) getting into the same pattern. They are scared of a fight between us. They are very sad she is not coming for Christmas and I can see it, but at the same time, they feel responsible for 'mediating' somehow. They have become alert about what they can or cannot say to both of us separately.
Any book or resource to try to understand whether I need to have a hard look at myself or at her? Would some kind of family therapy help? I don't know if I love her anymore. I cannot find any nice memory about anything together. It is all tainted by the big fights a-propos nothing. Is there a way of changing such a damaged relationship? Any positive stories out there?
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Relationships
My mother and I... totally lost
8 replies
camaleon · 25/11/2016 19:03
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