XH and I have been separated 18 months, soon to be divorced, reasonably amicable (now). I recently bought him out of the family home so now it is absolutely mine. He lives nearby and the DCs stay with him half the time.
It's not unusual for the DCs to pop round to mine when they are staying with him that night, for example to play with friends who live closer, use the Playstation, pick up stuff they've forgotten to take to his etc. He brings them round if this is the case.
I am thinking about dating again and I recently had a conversation with him about not popping round without letting me know as, in future, I may have someone here and I don't want to be forced to introduce someone to the DCs who I don't want to or don't want to yet. He seemed to get this and be OK with it.
However, this morning he brought DS round at without letting me know. I had a friend here having coffee, who is male but is definitely a friend. XH would have realised there was someone here as the friend's car was on the drive but you can't see that from the road. XH didn't come in, I think he would've if the car wasn't there as he texted me soon after with a question about one of the other DCs.
I introduced my friend to DS and the friend left soon after. Once the friend was gone I told DS that he was definitely a friend and not a 'friend', DS is 13.
The other two DCs are 15 and 11.
What should I do? I am torn between this being the DCs home, I don't want them to feel they can't come and go as they please, and my need for a private life.
I don't want to wait till I am seeing someone to address this issue.
I think I will reiterate the conversation with my XH but is it appropriate to speak to the DCs too in an age appropriate way? I tend to think it is but I'm not sure.
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Relationships
DCs, XH, boundaries & privacy with a view to dating again
9 replies
RichardsPanda · 06/11/2016 19:04
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