confused and upset

[houselikeashed]

ok. so there was this picture on Facebook of my husband whilst he was away working, and something about his body language with another woman made me look into his Facebook messages…..
SO there it all is. Nothing directly incriminating but pretty obvious something had happened, but not ongoing. There are clearly very close, with "strong chemistry" between them. She lives abroad. She later (months later) goes on to say she has a date to which my husband's reply was "jealous". I also found a confirmation booking for an erotic massage on the evening that one of these conversations took place.
God I am in shock. We haven't been close for years now, so I guess it should be no surprise he goes elsewhere, but even so, I'm really shocked and confused.
What do I do now????

[AntiqueSinger]

So sorry, of course you're in shock. How awful. I would confront him straight away and ask him who she is. Not sure you'll get the truth though. You say you've not been close for years why? Still doesn't give your DH carte blanche to start putting about though!!

[houselikeashed]

back history - I had terrible PND and have been on citalopram ever since. This lead to loss of sex drive from me, and no desire for intimacy at all. Then husband had cancer treatment which has left him totally impotent (but still alive). We have been married for nearly 16 yrs, with 2 kids (1 special needs). I don't think I could financially survive on my own as I can't always work due to sen child. (we are both self employed, husband by far the main earner, I do the childcare and work part time.) Ok I'm rambling. Sorry. I have both kids at home today and I should be at work but child number 2 will not go into school so I'm still at home, rather shaky and feeling a bit sick.

[hellsbellsmelons]

So if he is impotent I'm not sure what he could have done?
An emotional affair maybe?
You need to decide what you want to happen here.
Do you want to continue in the relationship as it is?
Could you maybe have an open relationship and just cohabit and co-parent?
Do you want some intimacy back in your relationship?
Do you love him?
Does he love you?
There's a lot to think about here.
I would suggest just taking stock for a little while.
No knee-jerk reactions.
Get your head around it first then decide how you want to tackle it.