Men

[oldsox]

Aibu? After feeling ill for days. Up all night wheezing, coughing, I get through my long day (full time work as a childminder ) , I'm also have a fybromyalgis flare up and I suffer from brittle asthma , usually I'm a doer , don't say much just get on with it, my dh has a day off, apart form mowing a lawn that didn't really need it , spent the day seeing his mate then in the pub in afternoon ,( with his eldest child from a previous ) i suspect, now usually I'm one of those daft dull time working mums who does everything , and I mean everything , childcare/school /cub runs for our 10 yr, all cleaning washing etc, tea , pack ups, shopping . The most he does is the lawn and the odd run around with the hoover , Im knackered and seething , I have a dark sarcastic sense of humour , so when my laminator ate my toy box labels and he fell asleep full of beer snoring , I posted a pic of him fb, with a caption. (Stupid I know ) but I've talked and talked about how his selfishness makes me feel resentful and it's not worked. His adult son reacted with fury . Told my elder boy (from a previous )to F off after he put a funny comment up, usually I'm a people pleaser and at first I was worried ,but I'm now angry, and fed up, he doesn't know what I've put up with over 20 yrs of loving his dad, he's been truly nasty when he's been drunk at times (this isn't on a regular basis ), and I know for a fact that my she plays the victim. What a cow I am, how he has to fend for himself , and I feel like running away... I showed him my post (I usually do) as I know his son shows him what I put, his son has no right to have. Ago at me as he's never there when his dad needed him , to help with his grandad , wasn't there for his dad (I took the pissed up flak for that also) when his grandad died , I don't know what to do now, to I avoid his son and family . Or brazen it out, I have gone on strike , childish I know , but I'm tired ...

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

Odd thread title?

[Happybunny19]

I'm totally confused. Has your DH seen the picture and post? Was he pissed off with you? How old is his son who seems to have taken offence? Have you always got on badly with his child from previous?

Sorry you're unwell btw, hope you're feeling a bit better now.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It's taken you 20 years to go on strike!??
If he was my DH he'd have under the patio years ago!

[TheNaze73]

I think you'll get more help if the post was a little more comprehensible. It made my eyes hurt

[oldsox]

Sorry if it's on wrong thread, I'm new to this and was trying fit it in before I looked around another upper school for ds (on my own again!).
Yes dh saw the post,I showed him it, he stormed off to bed shouting I made him look like a c...,his son is 47,we have always got on, but a couple of times I'm apparently in the wrong, and I haven't got a clue what that's about,but amazingly in the right when birthday cakes needed (48 hr notice,oh and invite at last minute to g childs party) and I'm good to take the piss out of! My other son is 26, +(married son of 29).i still don't feel well. Lost my damn voice now, and I'm sat trying not to cry in front of him whilst doing Ofsted paperwork, my last mindee went at 5.30, I've been working since 6.am, I'm starting to feel really depressed ...may be I should leave ...

[Happybunny19]

Does your oh contribute anything at all? Does he come to your defence when they take the piss? Is he ever actually nice to you? I think if the answer to the latter is no then you seriously need to consider how you want to proceed.

[4seasons]

It ISNT childish to have gone on strike. I'm surprised you haven't done it sooner !
For starters , take your usual painkillers for your fibro flare up , make yourself a nice snack and hot drink , then take yourself off to bed for some restorative sleep ( preferably in the spare room so beery snoring doesn't wake you ). If he comments at all tell him in no uncertain terms that you are exhausted and sick of being everyone's mug.
When you are rested and not in so much pain start thinking about what you want in life and start planning how to achieve it. How many children do you have living with you still ? Are you much younger than DH / DP ? Could you leave and cope without him ? Earn your living as a childminder in your own place ? His son sounds just as idle and thoughtless as his father . Stop the cake making at short notice. In fact stop doing anything for father or son ! What is anyone doing for you ? You poor woman .... you sound ill and worn out. Men like this will let you work yourself into an early grave , cry crocodile tears then move onto their next female slave.

[oldsox]

Thank you for support, his son runs his own business,and let's every know how hard he works ,running around all the time, (he is married) his dad is always sympathising about how he does so much. Dh works also ,5 days a week and less in winter (racing season) , no he doesn't stick up for me, he says they are only joking.. The more I write and read here the more I've realised hiow self. obsessed they actually are, I certain dh thinks as he pays for stuff it's his right to do as he pleases, but I pay for my equal share ,and I don't get a break, my 26 yo son is at home ,I'm so glad as he's lovely, will cook a dinner,provide a wine ,or hot toddy last night, I actually feel worse today and worried I'm brewing something more, but he still hasn't even mentioned the fact that I'm up all night wheezing, I feel seriously depressed ,I was on my own for 13 years with my older boys,and the be both grown into lovely thoughtful partners, I just seem to be crap with men....I want to tell him how bad this is for me, but I know it's pointless ,as he go off on a long one about how stuff in the past makes him behave like ,this that and the other, then back to normal, I'm making plans ,but I don't want to mess up my youngest boys family ... So when I feel better ,I'm gonna stop being a doormat, and I'm not going to step grandkids party (if I get an invite) , me n my boy are gonna be busy! I know my name will dragged through the shite, but if they think that of me and mine,let em! Just hope i can be brave to stick it out....ps, I'm 53 he's 67

[Fairenuff]

You say he had a day off so I think YABU to resent him spending it at leisure.

I also think YABU for doing everything all the time. This is how you live and you are both used to it. Why would you expect him to change?

Did you tell him that you were feeling ill and exhausted? Did you tell him that he had to take over some of the things you'd normally do? If not, YABU to expect anything different to what happened.

Regarding taking a mean picture and putting it on FB, you were obviously unreasonable there too.

[Tarttlet]

"I posted a pic of him fb, with a caption."

Well, that was stupid - I don't know anyone who would react favourably to that, or even stop to listen to what was being said!

[Emmageddon]

Is there any point in staying with this man? He and his son sound absolute horrors. Make a life for yourself away from him. Life should be fun and every day should be a different adventure, not a constant cycle of arguing and shouting. You're 53 not 93. Make a break, you deserve better.

[oldsox]

Yes I am resentful. Yes I have spoken to him too many times to count about how I feel, he is aware of my conditions but chooses to ignore them, the posting of the pic wasn't abusive, he was asleep in a chair, I always show him daft humourous stuff I've posted, this was done to make him aware that I've had enough, and how would he feel if that was the sight he was met with on a regular basis ,this isn't how I chose to end up doing everything all the time, he has been asked,cajoled,almost begged to do more but doesn't! It's been 20 yrs, been some hard times, but I just feel so taken for granted , I must admit I worry about what his son will think of me, as I know I'm not perfect but I do take care of my family well, his son has made it clear he thinks I don't look after his dad well, but he only hears his dad's side, I'm not one for going public on stuff that's serious to family, but I'm feeling desperate ,exhausted beyond words,and slightly nervous about what might be my only way out...I never wanted to be a single mum again 😔 Sorry if some think I'm wrong for putting up with it.

[PickAChew]

You know, life would be much happier for your 10yo with a mum who isn't constantly run ragged by his ignorant pig of a father and half brother.stake your own space, only clean up your own shit and only bake cakes that you'll be eating.

Being single can't possibly be worse than living with this arsehole who shows you no respect, whatsoever.

[oldsox]

I'm sat here going over and over it, he's at work till late,and I'm glad! Have done nought all day, just the childminding (I'm keeping the parts of the home smart that I use for work) I've cooked tea for all,26 yo will help himself, fed 10 yo ,dh can get his own out the fridge, not Done his ironing,or made his pack up, the rest of the house is rapidly falling apart,I have one more bathroom to repaint this sat (last 2 sats never been spent painting) after sons swimming lessons, then I'm going to bed , I'm thinking of checking into a premier inn next sat till mon morning , he's has every Monday off ,and not tell a soul.just me,my kindle,and a bottle of red. The only words he said to me yesterday were,suppose there's no tea then,....even I think I'm stupid cow now.....

[oldsox]

Me again, well it's been months, and not all that good, in Nov I was taken to Mauritius by one of my families I Childminded for, this was for their wedding and to look after their girls,all business class and spoilt rotten, treated like one of the family, this was a big secret ( they hadn't told their families they were getting married) ,I told my husband 4 days before I flew. Initially he took it well, then the next day all hell let loose. He is a jealous man and wasn't happy, but by the time I left all seemed OK, I was gone 6 days, he cared for our son but he took a week off work to do it, previously after the fallout with his son over my dark humoured sarcastic rant and pic about my bad day ( think "part time working mum") and his dad falling asleep pissed in the chair, again! On fb, his son got his own back by making it clear that I stopped his dad from going out for a drink with him on a public post. (I don't,couldn't even if I wanted to) ,so I blocked his son, ( if he doesn't like what I write then surely he's not interested in seeing it) so he tells his dad how hurt he is by this,so come Xmas things are horrendous, we send family cards and money to all 6 of his sons family, he sends presents for his dad and little brother and a card to dad and brother, not a mention of me.exactly as I expected, but for the whole ten days off work I had ,my husband was home 3 ( Xmas day,Boxing Day,and one other)He went drinking every afternoon Each day,(even nipped out for 1 hr Xmas day for his free pint) ,not once do we spend time out as a family,, every time he came home he started abusing me and swearing and ranting, he even called me names to our son, I cried every day,I can't sleep. He keeps ranting about me slagging him off to my friends ( I don't! ) but I know each time he has a pint with his son,it sets him off again, he also keeps accusing me of having an affair ,I'm not. Sorry if this is drawn out, but it helps to know what is happening, anyway it comes to my attention, that he has made it public that he thinks something happened in Mauritius ... The woman who took me there said a man my h works with told her that's what my h thinks, she laughed and put him straight, but this is a racing town and everyone knows everyone else, I'm mortified that he's made it known that he thinks I had a fling, I'm so upset and embarrassed ! The other Friday I had ,maybe a mini breakdown, sobbing all night long, my h realises he's gone to far (I think) , so he's made a little effort, but right now he's gone to our house in spain for 2 wks, he's ringing chatting and all normal, I tried to sit and talk about what happens at Xmas but he's says he knows, he's listened,but it's over with as far as he's concerned but not me! I'm broken, I'm hiding it but all I think Bout is divorce, I'm keeping the crying under control just!but I don't know what to do, .relationship counselling? Talking to him again,separation, divorce! What about our son, I'm considering inviting his son and family to Sunday lunch for h birthday in a couple of weeks , to move on, not to cave in but for my h sake, maybe fresh start, my grown up sons said they will be there for emotional support although they are not happy about h son and his arrogance, but I'm wondering does that make me a doormat ! Again! Massive apologies for this long winded essay,,but I really am in a mess and sinking into depression over the whole bloody thing . HELP!