Please help me. I'm really confused. I don't know if my partner is abusive / has been abusive or if I'm going mad. I suffer from periods of anxiety and depression but I don't know if they have been caused/enhanced by the issues in our relationship. (We are married and have 1 young child together).
I don't know where to start so I'm going to list the things that have happened :
Unsupportive during times of depression like being distant and not offering comfort.
Cruel comments regarding a matter that upset me greatly.
Lack of support during very difficult periods in life.
Lack of interest, mocking, cruel comments regarding my hobbies and interests.
Mock, ridicule my attempts at setting up a business with friend. Lack of interest and support as well.
Not apologising for hurtful comments.
I have always been the first having to apologise and try to make amends during fall outs.
Dismissing my feelings and upset over a miscarriage.
Hit me in the face causing me to fall over and suffer whiplash for 3 days (in front of our child). This happened when I was feeling stressed out, slammed a door and shouted at him when he said unhelpful things.
Not apologising for 2 whole days, saying I deserved it.
Makes me feel bad if I confront him for upsetting me. In fact, any time I've tried to talk about the things he's done to upset me it makes me feel worse and I end up feeling like it's me with mental health problems.
Completely uninterested in spending time with me doing things I like or things we used to enjoy together.
He pretty much refused to talk/interact with me unless I learned/agreed with his newfound interest in religion.
If I do discuss religion with him (my opinions aren't the same as his in a lot of cases) I get my opinions shot down and often find his comments threatening. Then I end up feeling bad.
He spends most of his time at home on his phone and it makes me frustrated because I feel he should spend more time with his child. Having cried to talk to him about this I get shot down and made to feel bad because he works full time and wants to relax at home (I'm full time mum).
The one time I went out to a show with a friend and he looked after our child he was angry with me when I got home.
He has left me twice in our marriage (12years) once when an old friend messaged me inappropriate comments because I didn't tell said friend to f*@k off and once when he fell out with my mum.
Still refuses to make amends with my mum and pretty much wants nothing to do with my family despite me trying an telling him how upset I am about it. He believes my family have nothing to offer him.
During a very depressive period I tried talking with him trying to get support but the most I got was him telling me to turn to religion that it would help everything.
He often wants sex and if feels to me like he will only hug/kiss me at this time. If I don't want it, I get harassed or he gets moody.
Often jokingly insulting me.
I'm scared to confront him over any disagreements or hurtful comments or to even disagree or offer my opinions on religion (which now consumes his life). Sometimes i ferl like he can only see things from his own perspective and is unwilling to view otherwise. Im just feeling anxious at home which leads to depression. I feel I've lost all confidence and I'm just an empty shell. I'm scared to look for work or talk with my child's teachers about school issues. I don't find much enjoyment in the things I used to enjoy. If anyone says anything negative about me or I think ive done/said something wrong to someone, it kills me. I can't deal with it.
He's a good person and often willing to go out of his way to help those in need. But feels like he doesn't have the time to support me or even his child at times.
I don't understand this relationship any more and feel I should leave but I keep thinking I should have done better and I can try to fix it. I just don't have the energy any more.
Please, any words of advice or help I'd appreciate a lot.
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Please help me
19 replies
user1475493334 · 03/10/2016 13:10
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