Left ExH 14 months ago after a last straw physical assault in front of our daughter and my sister. Finances split (gave him everything for a clean break), decree absolute almost six months ago.
I'm struggling to process and deal with all of the abuse I suffered at his hands and have been seeing a lovely counsellor for a while. Currently signed off work for a month due to absolute exhaustion, depression and anxiety from dealing with everything.
My counsellor said something at the last session which has really struck a chord - she said it sounds like I'm still in 'abusive relationship' mode with my ex. This is because, as I see him regularly for handover of our DD, I am constantly having to moderate my behaviour to placate him in the same way that I did when we were together. E.g not tackling him about CM, allowing him to call me names under his breath, helping him with stuff so that he doesn't get mad, being overly flexible on childcare arrangements.
It's so difficult because I don't want to anger him as I am still scared of him and definitely don't want him to be angry when around DD. I did actually manage to say 'you don't get to talk to me like that any more' when he muttered 'stupid bitch' at me the other day.
I guess my question for those who have left abusive relationships is - how do you manage to change the dynamic once it's over?
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Relationships
I'm still in an abusive relationship with my ex
12 replies
Astarael · 20/09/2016 18:06
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