Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I just need a rant

(11 Posts)
Lifeisabloodysoap Wed 07-Sep-16 21:37:15

I really need a rant I'm so sorry.

So ex left start of year for ow. We have 2 kids and a house together. It has not been easy in fact been a constant bloody fight with him to get him to see the kids and in general be a parent.

Fast forward to last month I got my lawyer to send him a letter regarding the house we own together and about going to mediation again for the kiddies and maintenance. He had 14 days to object if we hadn't heard from him we assumed I could move back to the house and go through cms for maintenance. 3 weeks after we sent the email (we got a receipt of opening) we still hadn't heard anything to I went to cms and started work on the house to make it livable again. Put all my savings into the house to renovate it.(was about 1000 I done all the work myself) had seen his parents in this time the spoke to me like nothing was wrong other than he was in mega debt. (Not my problem) the new mortgage had been transferred too.

I assumed because the mortgage company knew we are separated they would have contact him too. I received a letter today saying they are no.longer giving us a fixed rate. I called to see what the problem was turns out my ex has phoned kicking up hell about how he wasn't informed on the mortgage and isn't happy to go ahead with it as he wants to go to court to force sale!

I'm gutted. I had all these plans for me and the kids I went back to work early to afford the mortgage and bills on my own so he didn't have to contribute anything all I needed was his name to stay on the mortgage until my youngest went to nursery then I could return to work full time.
Why would he not want to know his kids are safe and in a house he knows is good.
Sorry for the long one I just feel deflated and needed to rant

HappyJanuary Wed 07-Sep-16 21:41:07

That does sound shit, rant away.

Being charitable, is it possible he needs to force a sale to house himself or sort out his debts?

I can see why you're disappointed but eventually you'll be in your own little house, completely free of his interference, and in the long run that might be better as he sounds like a dick.

Lifeisabloodysoap Wed 07-Sep-16 21:45:21

Happy we have no money in the house if anything we owe the bank. Not including the fees it will be to make me force sale and the sale on its own the house also now needs rewired as there is an massive problem with it. My brother offered to do it for me (he's an electrician) just costing the parts. We wouldn't legally be allowed to sell the house with this fault.

Lifeisabloodysoap Wed 07-Sep-16 21:46:08

Sorry the house himself part no he is living with his gf.

ragdollymama Wed 07-Sep-16 22:03:38

Life, I feel your pain. What a selfish dick. What is he getting out of forcing you to sell if there's no equity? Does he want to be mortgage free so he can get a new mortgage with ow? So he puts himself ahead of his own DCs? What's wrong with these selfish, irresponsible fathers. Sorry hun, I'm joining your rant as going through something similar but more recent (my ex admitted cheating in June and then moved out. In meantime mortgage deal has ended and its gone onto SVR which I can't afford. Tried to remortgage to new deal with his agreement but unknown to me he's racked up debt and has bad credit and the mortgage application was declined. He won't come off deeds - I could get sole mortgage on my salary but can't as house deeds are joint. I'm in the midst of trying to get this sorted as I can't break even). I sincerely hope you manage to sort it out with him and it's sooooo stressful. Good luck x

Lifeisabloodysoap Wed 07-Sep-16 22:18:31

Ragdolly- I have no idea I haven't seen or heard from him since may. He hasn't seen ds since then. Hasn't seen dd since March when she was 3 weeks old!
Yep he has put himself 100% ahead of the kids this whole time not wanting to try mediation for the kids because he can't stand to look at me! Just in general being a dick.
That's what I'm on svr and I can't afford it now it's annoying.
Can you not get a mortgage with him being on the deeds? That's awful!

Resilience16 Thu 08-Sep-16 04:29:34

Get some good legal advice.
It may all seem like shit at the minute but you will get through this and get to a point where you and the kids are in a house without him on the mortgage, and getting on with your lives without him.
Hug for you x

CafeCremeEtCroissant Thu 08-Sep-16 04:36:26

I'm astounded that your lawyer 'allowed' you to proceed simply because you didn't get a reply from him.

I would

- make an apt with the solicitor asap

- appeal to his parents to speak to him

- ask him why he's doing this

- see if the gf can knock any sense into him

Lifeisabloodysoap Thu 08-Sep-16 04:56:47

Cafe - I called yesterday and have to phone back up today. His parents when I spoke to him know nothing about it apparently. They also said 'you know there's no talking to him he's stubborn'.
I can't speak to him as we no longer have any contact to the point I don't have his number and his gf I have no idea who she even is.
The lawyer like myself assumed no reply meant that he was okay with it especially because he had opened and read it and also had seen his parents who had said to me they think it's the best thing for me and the children. I honestly have no idea now I am speaking with her tomorrow again just a bit gutted

Isetan Thu 08-Sep-16 06:41:27

Your lawyer should have known better than to assume, I can understand why you got carried away (but given his personality his behaviour shouldn't have been a huge surprise) but surely the point of having a lawyer is to temper your enthusiasm with common sense.

Get the house valued and put it in black and white that forcing the sale of the house isn't in his financial interest and that he could be rid of the property without being burdened with likely debt (sometimes dicks don't want the privilege of paying for their dickishness).

Lifeisabloodysoap Thu 08-Sep-16 14:01:57

I really thought he would have let me and the kids stay as he knows how much of a toxic relationship I have with my parents. I had given him a plan that if I could keep his name on te mortgage for 2 years I will then be working full time and can get the mortgage on my own and give him half of the deposit that we have in the house. That's the only money we have in the house.

Yeah that's a really good idea! Well we currently can't sell the house as there is no earth cable in the whole house so is against the law so that straight away is between 2-3k! I'm going to get I valued that you for that great idea

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now