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What does "you're not my usual type" mean?

(15 Posts)
Ascot7 Sun 21-Aug-16 19:58:34

I'm a guy looking for a woman's perspective here.
I've been dating someone for a few months and the other day when we were discussing looks she said I wasn't her usual type she goes for.
I suppose I'm asking this as I'm not quite sure if she does find me attractive but I can't ask her this outright.
We seem to get on okay.
I'm trying to work out if it's a genuine physical attraction or something else.

TiggyOBE Sun 21-Aug-16 20:04:54

Maybe her exs have all been tattooed bikers? Or vegans with beards? (Good band name there) Or mussel bound Swedish types? It's not a complaint, just a fact that you're not her usual type.

Do you have a type you're usually attracted to?

museumum Sun 21-Aug-16 20:11:41

I think it's a compliment on either your personality or the chemistry between you. She likes you for you.

BertieBotts Sun 21-Aug-16 20:13:53

I think it just literally means you're different to her previous boyfriends.

It doesn't mean that she is or isn't attracted to you, it's a neutral statement on that front.

It might be that she finds other things about you compelling than your looks. Or it might be that she finds you physically attractive but she can't pin it down to the usual criteria so she doesn't quite know what it is that she likes. Or it might be that she isn't sure whether it's attraction or novelty.

Either way if you've been dating for a few months, she clearly likes you.

FWIW, I did not find my husband physically attractive before we started going out. Even now, I can see that he's not ever going to be a movie star poster on someone's wall. Mostly I am attracted to his personality and mind rather than his looks. But I do definitely get moments of pure physical attraction too. And I don't have urges to go out and snog other blokes.

12purpleapples Sun 21-Aug-16 20:21:57

I'm dating someone who isn't my 'usual type'. For me this means that in terms of face or body type he doesn't look physically like the type of guys I used to go for.
I find him hugely, massively attractive and would have to say now that I feel that the beliefs I had previously about what I thought was attractive don't really apply anymore.

Rudymentary Sun 21-Aug-16 21:13:17

I've been with someone for nearly 22 years who wasn't my usual type grin

Still in love and still all over each other

Joysmum Sun 21-Aug-16 21:18:34

I'm 23 years in with a man who wasn't my normal type. That's why it's worked and the others didn't.

bikerlou Sun 21-Aug-16 21:21:44

I like blond Nordic looking men in casual clothing preferably a country guy, I wouldn't be attracted to a city suit in expensive clothes and shoes personally - that is my type.
But rules are made to be broken, you'll just have to impress her with your dazzling personality and give it time.

Trills Sun 21-Aug-16 21:30:29

Cynical interpretation: it means she's trying to put you on edge - to make you think about all the other men she's been with.

Uncynical interpretation: sometimes people just say stuff and don't mean much by it. Usually she likes guys with dark hair, but right now she likes you and you are blonde.

mummyto2monkeys Sun 21-Aug-16 21:52:43

My husband and I were both not the usual type for each other either, I was usually attracted to very tall dark haired men with muscly arms and shoulders (think viking). My husbands type was small older woman, not really a legs or boobs man (he was 24 his ex 42). Then we met each other, my dh was 24, 5" 8 and mousey brown haired. I was 20, 5" 10 with long curly hair, legs up to my armpits and big boobs. Fourteen years later we have realised we didn't know our real type until we met each other 😂. The chemistry between us has always been electric and still is.

Saying that I nearly throttled my husband (then bf) when he said he was used to petiter woman (I was a size 10/12 but he meant shorter). I still wind him up about that to this day!

TheBriarAndTheRose Mon 22-Aug-16 06:55:02

I also think it means that she just likes you for you.

I know it can be a bit unsettling, because it's easy to also hear "and so I don't find you as attractive and so you are vulnerable to someone who is your type coming to take your place" but it doesn't necessarily mean that.

I think that if I were to ever say it, then it would be because I really liked the person I was with and really found them attractive and really had surprised myself and taken that as a sign that we were really well suited. And was also enjoying finding a different physical type attractive. Which would make my usual type seem a bit 'same-y'.

If it was a negative thing, I wouldn't say anything.

PeaceOfWildThings Mon 22-Aug-16 07:13:23

Ascot, women are not one homogeneous whole. You don't get to know what one woman thinks by asking a bunch of others.

Ask her what her usual type is!

RingUpRingRingDown Mon 22-Aug-16 07:24:20

It's a huge compliment.

You're different in looks and/or personality to the type of men she normally dates or finds attractive but she's blown away by you. It's a personality and chemistry thing that has challenged her preconceptions.

YouMakeMyDreams Mon 22-Aug-16 07:32:12

Dh and I are not each others usual precious types. I am a pale freckled red head and he is blond, out doorsy and very casual. (He fits bikerlou's description well actually). With my colouring I look a lot like the women in his family so something Freudian there grin
But I fancy the pants off him. Love how he looks, London events his casual laid back style.
Maybe I've always been looking in the wrong places before.

phillipp Mon 22-Aug-16 07:38:11

Me and dh are so far removed from each others 'usual' type.

We are both aware of this. We have been together 16 years and we still fancy the pants of each other.

It simply means you don't look like the other guys she has dated.

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