Bit of background: I've been feeling lonely and disconnected with 'D' P for a while. He's quite introverted whereas I'm quite extrovert. Often, if I try to initiate a silly, lighthearted conversation, he doesn't really respond. Sometimes I'm not 100% sure if he's heard me or not. It's not often he makes eye contact with me. He often comes across as generally quite distant and silently brooding.
Despite this, at times he can be good fun to be around, is generally very supportive of me in a practical sense and (at risk of sounding trite) is a good Dad to our two kids (7 & 18months).
Last week, I realised that I'd got into a bit of a negative cycle with him where I felt unloved by him and was responding by being cold towards him- obviously making the situation worse. So I made a real effort to just be relaxed and bubbly around him in the way that I would be usually if I weren't feeling so unloved/disconnected.
It worked. We got on and the atmosphere lifted. For a couple of days, it felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Now here comes the crunch:
Sunday am, I made us (me, him & the kids) a nice breakfast. We were all chatting as a family- the mood was jovial. Our daughter was chatting about learning to drive when she's older. DP said he went on his first driving lesson the 'day before his 17th birthday. So 16 and 363 days old.' I (lightheartedly) said 'do you mean 364, there's 365 days in a year.' To this, he adamantly replied that no, there is not- there are 364 and only 365 in a leap year. I asked if he was sure (beginning to doubt myself), and again he said he was sure. I Googled- obviously, he was wrong. I ribbed him for it, but in a genuinely good natured way. However, rather than just admit he was wrong, laugh it off and move on, he denied that he had said it in the first place!?!? He then sat there with a face like a slapped arse, went back into one of his sulking moods and sat staring at the sport on the TV rather than engage with us. (This is commonplace).
I think I was probably more sensitive than usual to his black cloud mood as this weekend marked the 3 year anniversary of my lovely Dad dying. (He knew this).
Just to be clear, my general knowledge about stuff is appalling. I regularly come out with corkers, which he ribs me for and I take in the good natured way that I assume it is meant.
This is not the first time that we have had one of these (what I think are) bizarre interactions. A couple of times, he has not bothered fully communicating with me/told bizarre trivial white lies about totally insignificant stuff- so trivial though that it is impossible to tell whether or not he has meant to mislead me or if he's just a poor communicator. He says it's the latter. But he would, wouldn't he?
Going back 5 years, we did have major relationship problems with him smoking a lot of weed (making him very moody) and lying about it. I am 100% sure that this is not the case now, he got help and stopped and is generally much more pleasant to be around now. I mention this simply in the context that he does have form for lying under a certain circumstance....
Thank you for reading and sorry for the long post. Perspective appreciated...
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Please could someone give me some perspective?
8 replies
PatButchersEarring · 17/08/2016 08:56
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