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Baby daddy is dodgy

(16 Posts)
isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:55:53

Hi
So many things I've found out about this man. Found out he had a proxy marriage - not entirely sure of the logistics but its to a Portuguese woman, found out he's working in this country and he's not supposed to be found out his immigration status is with the home office. None of this I found out until after LO was born. So the man I met and "knew" isn't he same man. Now he needs a DNA so that he can give it to home office to "help his case".

I don't respect trust or like this man. Anyway whilst he was in the bathroom following his two weekly visit to see LO, I went through his wallet. Good or bad ...... Well I found two bank cards in another man's name. So I tried to create a scenario. I said to him to give me his bank details so I can transfer some money so he could buy me something near where he lives. After asking about 10 times he was very reluctant. So I then thought hang on how have u got an account if you are not legal? He tells me it's his "brothers" account. WTF!!!!!! And tries to play it down saying that it's not an issue and that his "brother" allows him to it. This man is Nigerian. I regret the day I met him as everything was FALSE. Only good thing is Lo. Why the hell should I help him now. He has lied to me from DAY ONE. I can't even bear him near me or in my home. Good job we live two hours away from each other.

Thoughts anyone?

Cabrinha Mon 08-Aug-16 18:38:11

I think he got you pregnant in an attempt to help his immigration application. Not sure what your reason was. You posted about it before, didn't you?
Why are you bothering with him now?

Cabrinha Mon 08-Aug-16 18:48:24

I mean, I don't know what you're asking.
My thoughts are that he is a liar who wants a passport and why you would expect anything to be legal about his bank accounts I don't know.
It's not your business.
Have whatever minimal contact you need/want to have for your child and leave it at that.

AmysTiara Mon 08-Aug-16 18:51:39

He's done it for immigration purposes obviously. Also the term baby daddy is awful.

isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:52:46

Thank you yep I've posted about it before but found out about bank stuff yesterday I feel so let down

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:55:33

You don't have to help him at all. My ex has an immigration issue and was trying to force me to write a statement saying he saw our son every day and was his main care giver - he sees him for 7 hours a week at most!

If his names on the birth certificate then why do they need a DNA test? And if it's not he can apply to the court to have it put on, so you don't need to get mixed up in it. If he carries on asking just be blunt - We're not together, your problems are just that - Yours! I had to repeat this a few times to ex before he got the message.

Radyward Mon 08-Aug-16 18:58:45

Don't help him one bit. I'd report him to the authorities anonymously . Fgs.he is a complete liar and chancer . Have nothing to do with him in as little as you can bear.

isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:01:07

Very true TheWeeBabySeamus1. His name isn't on the BC because something in my gut told me that something wasn't right and he knew his name wwasn't going on it. He even came to the register office with me knowing this and up a fuss and he STILL DIDNT SAY A WORD ABOUT HIS SITUATION. So his last chance is a DNA which he would give as evidence to the home office. But why should I allow that. It's his mess he can FO

isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:07:20

Sometimes I want to report him but I just want him to be caught out. I mean he works illegally he's here illegally. WTF. I feel disappointed in myself for this situation but I went into this "relationship" believing everything he told me. LO is my blessing !!!!!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:14:39

Even if he did the DNA he'd still need to prove he has relationship with your child and that he is in regular contact. If he only sees her once every 2 weeks then that usually won't be seen as enough (which is why my ex wanted me to say every day) and at that level of contact would not sway the Home Office in his favour.

isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:27:22

Very true TheWeeBabySeamus1 yeah every two weeks because of "work" (which he isn't ssupposedant to be doing) absolute joke

isobel79 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:28:44

And plus he couldn't tell the HO that he only see LO every two weeks because of work because in the eyes of the law he shouldn't be working such an idiot

SandyY2K Mon 08-Aug-16 19:32:19

I remember you.

Whilst not every Nigerian is dodgy, this type of thing you speak of is very common.

Marriage of convenience.
Dodgy bank accounts
Credit card fraud

I could say more but there's no point. He's a chancer. I do remember PMing you though.

Whilst he's a not so great man, he is your child's father and I think it's important to maintain a connection because of the identity crisis issues your son could get later in life.

You're white and you have a biracial child that will want to know his heritage, so if you could try and connect with some of his relatives it would benefit your son.

Can I ask if he's any good with the little one?
Have they got any photographs together?

I know lots of people from his part of the country, so if you ever want to know anything, feel free to ask and I'll find out for you.

Cabrinha Mon 08-Aug-16 20:15:31

So why are you posting?
Why are you allowing him to see his child, but not allowing him to do the DNA test? I'd say it's none or both, surely?
He's a liar and used you as an additional way to stay in the UK. You got pregnant too soon to a man you didn't know.
Neither of those facts has changed - why are you complaining about him working illegally? What else do you think he's going to do?
I agree with Sandy, you should find out about your child's biological background, for their sake. IIRC, last time you posted you didn't know what language this man spoke, which ethnic group of Nigeria he came from.
Before he gets deported, you said get information about your child's family.
But beyond that... I'd have nothing to do with him or his immigration claim.

merville Mon 08-Aug-16 20:38:19

Isobel, I think you're completely right in your conclusions ... I 'dated' a Nigerian man in Japan when I was there teaching English aged 23/24 - in spite of my relative youth, working away from home, not having the slighest inclination etc. he tried to persuade me to have a baby with him, At the time I thought it was bizarre but later saw a documentary about a Ghanian man in my home town -who was prosecuted for arranging fake/visa marriages and whose diary was found outlining his progress with getting his various gf's to come off the pill and get pregnant. Then I realised what he'd been aiming for - and it transpired (found out b4 I left Japan) that he was already married to a Japanese woman. I guess 1 visa for a developed country wasn't enough.

It is standard operating procedure for them.

As is sleeping with multiple women at one time, and being married to more than one woman at a time - if the systems aren't good enough to catch them (how many 3rd world countries do you think keep accurate records of marriages ; they're often 'married' and have kids in their own country too)

Don't give him a tap of fking help.

merville Mon 08-Aug-16 20:47:28

People using deceiving and using others inc. bringing children into the world to get what they want is despicable.
And I doubt they ever have the slightest intention of being a true parent to them either - they leave that to the women, after all it's their job.

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