People who jointed two households (kids involved); need your experiences.
Probably a long read.
Been with my current GF for awhile, and the time has come when we are planning to move in together. This is a rational decision, and we have both thought it through long enough. Our concern is with our kids.
We did not introduce the kids until 8 months into our relationship. We took it very slow, and wanted to make sure her and I worked out first before the kids got involved.
My daughter (3 years old)
- very sharp. Comprehension is off the charts for being 3
- hyper, physical. Always wants to play
- very good kid, little behavior issues. Just normal toddler stuff
- attached to me, always wants 100% of my attention and to play with her. Not good at amusing herself (this is my fault for making her center of attention all the time I was single, and not promoting independence)
Her daughter (3 years old)
- acts more like 3 years old. Does not comprehend as highly as my kid.
- calmer, not into physical playing.
- sweet kid, very sensitive however. Feelings easily hurt and upset easily
- not as attached to her mother. More independent and can play by herself.
For months we have had the kids hanging out, playing, getting them used to each other. It started off well, minor speed bumps however over the last month my daughter has been regressing. She is not into playing with her as much, and is more attached to me while they are around. I've considered their "playing styles" are different, and my daughter lost interest in it, however she is displaying a lot of jealousy towards my GF. It was evident at first, then it went away after continued discussion with my daughter trying to explain things, but it has come back again the last 3-4 weeks.
Now there is an X-Factor. My daughter mother (whom I am on great terms with) also has a BF (who has 4 year old boy, not super behaved), and they got more serious the last month or so, and they moved in. They moved in very fast. I believe they have been dating 3 months, and their kids met within a month. I made it clear I was not pleased with this to my Ex. Ultimately her lease was up at the time, and she felt comfortable enough to move in. I did not know this was going on until afterwards, but that is different story. Now, her BFs kid is very wild, and undisciplined ( not the fathers fault, he's a good dude, but his ex has joint custody, and she is a terrible parent resulting in the behavior issue he is trying to fix)
So I am putting 2 and 2 together, and I am attributing my daughters behavior changes to being around the young boy. Because she has been abnormally hyper, and not as disciplined the last month or so. Trying to figure out how this is tying into the sudden attachment and jealousy with me however.
Back to subject at hand with moving in with my GF......Now to be clear, I'm well aware that this is A HUGE change for a young child, and their minds can't process what is going on yet. So we are prepared for some tough sledding here.
I'm looking for any advice or experiences to help getting the kiddos adjusted. We have been preparing for months and constantly talk to our own kids separately about sharing a household, ect ect. Ultimately we think we will just have to do the " sink or swim" method, and let them adjust and deal with the hardship and repair them as they come.