Hi hope someone can give me some advice ? Or at least I can vent this out..
Back story split with ex partner two years ago due to basically his daily drinking habits he wasn't falling down drunk but it impacted on our life a lot. I asked him to stop or cut back and he wouldn't.
When I told him I was leaving he said go but your not taking my daughter with you. He wouldn't go so I had to leave - I had to rent a small flat alone with no help from him or the government, no tax credits as I was just on the threshold and I mean just !. No housing benefit as some equity in the property- by some I mean again just on the cut off point. House took an age to sell due to him not keeping I clean for viewers, then not moving out.. Then he did move out into his parents house... He's lived there for nearly two years now. Not sure what he pays them but would doubt it's much.. I have had no child support from him as house had to be rented out and he covered the short fall to pay the mortgage - mortgage was more than it was rented out for !!
To say it has been a struggle is an understatement. I have carried on as I feel there is a light ahead - once I get the little bit of equity back I can buy a small place ... He will then have to contribute a little for our daughter ... I just wish I didn't have to deal with him at all.. I can see it in his eyes when he does the drop offs that he hates me, can't forgive or believe I have left him.. He's asked me to meet up with him for dinner with our daughter - the very thought of spending time with him makes me feel ill.. He was quite a difficult man to live with and he always said he was stronger than me.. At one point when I was with him I was on anti depressants and he mocked me Openly for this saying I was a druggie and no judge would let me keep our daughter.. I feel such dislike towards this man and also pity as when I look at him he looks a bloated mess... How can I deal with this also he has threatens that when our daughter is ten she will choose to live with him anyway ! I just feel like he is playing a game and competing with me.. He buys our daughter anything she wants and she is given endless treats with him..
How can I deal with these feelings? Am determinied never to show daughter the way I feel about him..
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What's the best way to deal with this ?
kateshair · 07/08/2016 23:07
Don't meet him for dinner!
For the rest, I would just say carry on exactly as you are. You sound amazing 
Hard for you 
.
Sometimes just writing it down helps. And helps you feel clearer.
You don't say how old your daughter is, but she won't be young forever and will soon be making her own judgments and decisions about her 'father'. I doubt she will be choosing to live with him either 
. You too will be free-er then so as far as possible try and take the long view.
You are staying strong and doing the right thing, and he is taking the wrong, immoral path. His unjustified hatred is his problem, not yours. As time goes on, and you work on it, you may find yourself more able to distance yourself from him so that he impacts on you less.
You should give yourself credit for doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter and giving her a safe and happy environment. You should be really proud of your strength and effort in achieving this, no mean feat. Other people probably won't remind you of this, so remember to remind yourself. You are also a great example to your daughter.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.