I have pushed people away a little before - in a "testing" sort of a way to sort of make sure they truly liked me, but the concept or idea of completely sabotaging a relationship and completely pushing someone away out of fear of being hurt always struck me as, well,...bollocks and a complete waste of life.
I always thought if you really like someone you just go with it and be happy with them because it's your instinct to just want to be around whatever makes you happy and no one would deliberately ruin that for themselves.
Most recent ex though has me wondering though and I am properly heartbroken from our breakup.
His first wife died, quite suddenly a couple of years ago. I met, and began to see him and everything was going very good. He had dated a few people over the years (he’s 46, she has been passed for just gone three years) but then he’d not loved anyone again and he told me after a couple of months he was pretty sure I was “the one” that he had felt with me like he did with his wife and that I aroused that same feeling in him of just “wow, I want to wake up next to her”.
It all seemed very genuine, wanted me to meet his kids and all of that and he was 10 out of 10 on the official fantastic boyfriend scale. We got very close, and I was falling in love too and then the anniversary of her death came up and he just went all funny. Cold / withdrawn / pushing me away and the very short version after a few months of a lot of up and down is that he finally admitted he was doing it all deliberately (after making me think I was going mad for a while) but that he feels that if he loves me, which he thinks he will / does as much, if not more than her - then I will die and so he feels it best for him to not love anybody at all because he says he couldn't go through that again.
I have every sym[pathy in the world for how he is feeling, I am sure it must have been awful beyond belief but it seems such a ridiculous way to look at life.
Can anyone tell me, is this a real thing....are some people truly and genuinely so afraid to be hurt / love / lose someone that they will avoid the whole thing entirely? I find it hard to believe it's true that people behave in such illogical ways to deprive themselves of whatever happiness they can find.
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Relationships
Has anyone sabotaged a relationship? Or pushed away someone out of fear?
6 replies
edisonsjeans · 31/07/2016 13:49
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