Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Finding this evening hard, it's only 6.30

10 replies

LippyLiz · 27/07/2016 18:41

Told DH (he's had an affair) on Sunday that I needed a break as he's coming and going as he pleases, isn't trying to actively reconcile and is just an arse. I was really positive, I booked a holiday yesterday, I'm being made a permanent staff member and I've got a good pay rise. I'm also receiving attention from an eligible bachelor (friendly texts) though I'm not ready for any sort of relationship, but this evening I'm a bit down.

DH going to a concert on Friday with a mate (was meant for her) and he's texting asking if his tickets have come. It's a trigger. I want to get off out for a long walk to take my mind off things but my DD is far too clingy at mo so I'm at home.

I don't want to count down the hours till bed. I'm just feeling a bit despondent. A text from the bachelor would cheer me up but thats not fair cos I'm nowhere near ready for that though he fully knows and understands my position. I also feel guilty cos of DH but it is just nice friendly attention.

So a bit down, just need to ride it out I suppose. I don't want to see DH but at the same time I'm so used to seeing him. He's arranging things with the children and I feel left out of his life. It's so confusing. I'm hoping he's sitting in his 'room' stewing over not seeing me but I doubt it

OP posts:

Report

FellOutOfBed2wice · 27/07/2016 18:45

Didn't want to read and run OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Could he not sell the tickets on and not go? Sounds like that would be fairer on you if it's upsetting you.

Report

Sqooobado453 · 27/07/2016 18:46

Sounds hard. Can you distract yourself with crap TV or a book or pal?

Report

LippyLiz · 27/07/2016 18:48

No I offered to go, thought it'd do is good but he's not ready for that (posted about that), he said 'I won't go if you don't want me to' but that was an empty request so just said go. He'd have gone anyway and if he hadn't he'd have resented me. Like he has cause to resent me. Just a bit down really. Need to occupy my mind but worry for thurs and then obviously Friday when he goes.

OP posts:

Report

Missgraeme · 27/07/2016 18:49

Could the tickets not 'get lost' or am I just a bitch? Write yourself a bucket list u want to get through before u get into a new relationship and don't have time?!

Report

LippyLiz · 27/07/2016 18:54

I'd thought about the tickets getting lost but he'd still go and arrange to pick up a set. Talking on here helps. I could make lists for holiday purchases and go through my holiday wear which may no longer fit.

OP posts:

Report

fastdaytears · 27/07/2016 18:59

Oh are you the suggester of the weekend away?

I thought he was going to be making some effort? This sounds awful for you.

Report

LippyLiz · 27/07/2016 19:08

I am (unless there's two of us). He's just insensitive, doesn't want to 'talk' which wasn't happening that often considering. I thought it was time to detach myself from him emotionally so that I can attempt to move on as he's still emotionally detached from me and is not putting any efforts into working on our relationship. It's just not easy, or maybe it's this impending night away, or it could be the thought of him actually enjoying his peace.

Ooh ooh, eligible bachelor has text. I'm not jumping into anything nor responding instantly, it just cheers me up a bit. Surely after everything I've been through, that's ok, a little bit of attention

OP posts:

Report

fastdaytears · 27/07/2016 19:08

Definitely enjoy the texting!

Report

FellOutOfBed2wice · 27/07/2016 19:21

Do you want the relationship to work out OP? I've not been in your position so perhaps I would feel different if it came to the crunch but tbh I think you can do better than this faithless, disrespectful sod. Not bad enough he's cheated on you but now you think he would be grovelling at your feet! Why isn't he?

Report

LippyLiz · 27/07/2016 19:56

I think he isn't grovelling because although he says he ultimately wants things to work out for us, he's still 'getting over' her. Funnily enough I understand that but it's not nice for me to be on the receiving end of his emotional detachment. When he was visiting he was nice and friendly but that was it, a few cuddles but nothing further. This is why I need to detach. For me.

As for whether I want it to work, I'm undecided. I think not (at the mo) as I think if the lies etc and how disappointed I am in him. I can't say how I'd feel if he was suddenly fighting tooth and nail for me as I've not been in that position during all of this. I've been second best and at the mo I think, know I still am when it comes to his feelings