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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I can't breathe

17 replies

myownperson · 13/07/2016 22:55

I left. It's going so well.
But I can't breathe. I don't know what's happened. It's just hit me.

OP posts:

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Msqueen33 · 13/07/2016 22:57

Take a breath and remember why you've left. It's panic. You will adjust. You left for a good reason.

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GoatyGoatFace · 13/07/2016 23:07

Definitely normal! Try and hold onto the reasons or even better if you can get some sleep. The evenings when it's quiet and you're tired are going to be harder for a while but in the morning hopefully you'll feel clearer of why you're doing what you're doing.

If it helps I left 4 years ago and we lived separately for a few months...I remember those feelings well, really well. In fact it was a big part of the reason I went back. Four years on and I'm trying to find the courage to leave for good this time. It won't change, it won't get better, you've done the right thing for all the right reasons.

You just need to give yourself time. Don't slip back.

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GoatyGoatFace · 13/07/2016 23:09

And then hopefully when you're all healed and doing great and I'm panicking on one of those first lonely evenings you can remind me of this conversation and remind me why I need to keep going! [Smile]

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GoatyGoatFace · 13/07/2016 23:10

Or even....

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FreeFromHarm · 13/07/2016 23:34

Your having a panic attack, takes deep breaths as suggested, try and clear your head, everything is going to be ok, you have done the hardest thing a woman can do, you are in a safe place

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myownperson · 13/07/2016 23:51

Thank you it's going

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Oddsocksgalore · 14/07/2016 00:07

I remember feeling like that. Why did you leave op?

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myownperson · 14/07/2016 00:26

It wasn't a good relationship. I needed to leave.

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Oddsocksgalore · 14/07/2016 01:20

In a little while you will feel much better op, I guarantee it.

My ex husband was mental. Broke my ribs, head butted me. I could go on and on!

This is the worst bit, the anxiety can be crippling.

I did whatever I had to do to get me through the day and night.

I paced, I screamed, I chain smoked, whatever it took.

I don't drink either.

I also talked to myself out loud and willed myself on.

You can do it!!

Have you anyone in real life that could be with you?

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myownperson · 14/07/2016 01:38

Odd socks that's awful. Glad you got through.
I have a friend staying for the night on Saturday.

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FreeFromHarm · 14/07/2016 09:02

I talk and will myself to, helps a lot, and putting my favourite music on when the panic and adrenaline starts, it will get less and less. Try not to drink to much alcohol or too much caffeine, it exasperates things.
It's the walking into the unknown, when I turned up to the refuge with two kids in tow.... it was like walking into a different world, but 2 years down the line, we are alive, safe and flourishing, hang in there , everything is going to be ok.

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myownperson · 14/07/2016 11:23

Can't breathe sounds dramatic now. It clearly was panic. Pretty scary. I had caffeine and a glass of wine so that won't have been helpful. At the point I posted I could have stopped it escalating in hindsight. Just taken by surprise. My life felt very unreal, like I was in a dream and needed to wake up. I am a bit dramatic

Thank you.

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SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 14/07/2016 11:34

Nothing much to add just wanted to say hang on in there.

When things get scary, come on here, so many wonderful women who have been in your shoes and come out on the other side.

Good luck x

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GoatyGoatFace · 14/07/2016 13:46

I don't think you're dramatic I think you're very brave and strong! I hope I didn't sound trite last night, I really am in awe of people like you who stand by their decisions and see them through instead of crumbling and giving in (like me!)

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myownperson · 14/07/2016 14:01

Didn't find it trite. Sometimes you just want to know someone hears. And just reading anything calming helps ground me.

Thank you for posting. I will be very happy to return the help one day. Do you have plans?

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GoatyGoatFace · 15/07/2016 07:55

Morning, yes thank you I do finally have a plan which has always seemed impossible before. I am in counselling which seems to be the turning point and I finally see there is a way which I just haven't been able to before. Sorry I didn't mean to make this about me! How are you feeling today?

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myownperson · 15/07/2016 08:37

It's good to have a plan isn't it? Glad to hear it.
I hope it's different for you this time. You sound sure about what you want.

I dont mind it not being about me. It's good to talk about things other than me.
My adult conversations this week have been Ex, ExPIL and counselling!

I'm feeling better about things. Everything is actually going really well. Thanks for asking.