LDR - Making them work

[user1466526503]

I would appreciate some advice on making a long distance relationship work. I met someone on line. They live 100 miles from me we have met for a couple of dates over the past 3 weeks and get on well. We would like to take it further but it's hard to find time to meet up we both study/work during the week and our weekends are full with activities. If I was dating someone in the same town we could meet in the evenings after work//uni but I can't just pop down the road for a 100 mile each way trip.

We do share a lot in common, but I am trying to get it in my head how we can meet up more with 2 busy lives.

[HeddaGarbled]

It will have to be weekends so if you both really want to pursue this you will have to cut down on your weekend activities to make the space. Every other weekend should be OK for now, though obviously if there's something important like a family wedding, you may have to miss out the occasional one. 4-6 months of every other weekend will tell you whether there is any future in it.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Been there, done that, wouldn't do it again unless was really, really super keen. It takes an awful lot of effort to keep something going over distance. It tends to end up being a "weekend thing" where you end up giving over most or all of your weekends to this person, not seeing anyone else at weekends and starting to miss not being able to go to movie or out for dinner with your partner in the middle of the week.

[Trills]

If you met someone and knew them well and then circumstances meant you had to do a LDR, that might work.

Meeting someone and never being nearby - not so good.

Every meeting has to be a big deal. There's no space for you to see how you feel, you have to decide to commit a lot of your time to them before you would normally want to be just seeing how things go.

[mrsmortis]

My DH and I were long distance from when we got together for well over a year. In fact we lived in different countries until six months after we got engaged.

You can make it work, but you both have to be committed. We saw each other every other weekend and took it in turns to travel (1.45 hr flight each way., luckily on easyjet so not too expensive). We talked on the phone (this was pre Skype, facetime, etc) every couple of days and exchanged lots of very silly emails every day. I think it helped that I'd known him a decade before we became a couple though.

We've been married almost 10 years so we must have done something right in those early days.

[StereophonicallyChallenged]

I'm in a ldr at the moment (8 months in) and agree that you have to both really want it as it does take a big effort. Like a PP, I knew my boyfriend years ago which makes it easier.
We try to see each other every two weeks but sometimes its 3 or 4 weeks due to other things and that is hard

My best tip is to discuss an end point. We don't know when we will be permanently together exactly yet, but we do both want that and have put a 'time to do it by' in place quite early on.

You will really have to be prepared to give up doing other things in order to make it work in your situation, but good luck and I hope it works out (if you want it too )