I have n/c as i'm slightly embarrassed of my behaviour and also embarrassed to be crying over a man.
i have been with dp 4 years. I have dc and he doesn't. We work long hours and I altough he is fully aware i want a future with him I think it is best for now that we don't live together. He seems ok with this. Yes at times it has us both frustrated and our relationship would be easier if living together. We have an intense close relationship,emotionally and physically, but misinterpretation by phone can make a mountain over a molehill. Usually we'll sort it within a day or two and move on.
Recently we have been getting on great and this summer discussed having a holiday just by ourselves. We discussed this over the weekend and really looking forward to it. We had agreed dates that would work for both of us. Due to his line of work, it is very difficult to take time off and I have accepted this in the past. it has been last minute one night away and nothing every really planned. So I was excited at the thought of us both having 4 nights away. Today I searched and found a lovely place for us to say. I provisionally reserved it as it had the days we agreed available. I was thrilled I had found a great find. I texted dp and told him, not wanting to disturb him at work. An hour later he replied o I didn't realise you were going to book.
Immediately i felt disappointment. But he asked the dates again and exactly where it was. So i ignored his comment.
2 hours later I texted asking if he was ok with this and he replied that he wuld have a think about it.
I immediately blew up. I am not sure why, maybe it's because we rarely get time like this and both had discussed and looked forward to it. I then realised that I seem to try to organise these big things and he has to over process and hates being tied down, to time/date/place.
I rationally explained that in order to organise a holiday one has to book in advance and leaving to the last minute is disapointing. I realised that this was a bit patrionising but i wanted him to know Ihad made an effort and he had now take the enjoyment out of it. It is very disappointing when someone tells you they'll have to see. It made me feel down the list of priorities, almost like a chore/nag.
I unfortunately blew and told dp that i was sorry i had booked it and that he had made me feel like I was pressurising him and bothering him and to hear someone say they would see about the holiday after it was planned made me feel crap. I hung up from dp telling him that i wouldn't bother him again.
I know this was childish but I was so disappointed. Half the fun of a holiday is planning and organising and looking forward to it. Im the organiser in our relationship. however to have someone say, i'll see. Is the kiss of death for me.
I want to cancel the booking and tell dp to fk off for making me feel like an idiot. I am analysing our relationship and thinking surely there are men out there that would say. great babe thanks for organising where is it, must check out things to do!!
Am I a fool?
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Relationships
It's like pulling teeth!
curtaincall2016 · 14/06/2016 00:51
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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