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Sisters, selfish or fair?

(25 Posts)
YoggiePog Fri 03-Jun-16 18:28:17

Two sisters A & B (now adult but 3yrs apart in age, A the older) grew up in a stable family & lived next door to Mr & Mrs Peach. Mr & Mrs Peach were barren and absolutely doted on A & B. They cut a hole in the garden fence and installed a gate so A & B could pop over any time they wanted. A & B often baked cakes with Mrs Peach in her kitchen. They tended the veg patch with Mr Peach. Often played rounders or badminton in the garden together. A & B accompanied the Peaches on dog walks /trips to the beach etc. All with the consent of A & B's parents. A & B became the surrogate kids the Peaches could never have. No funny business occurred, everyone was happy. Growing up, A & B moved away & had their own families and lost touch with the Peaches but always had fond memories. Move to the present day & A & B have both married and had their own families, although A is now divorced. Their parents are now dead. B gets a letter one day saying the Peaches have passed on and she alone has been named as the sole beneficiary of their entire (substantial) estate. B already having paid off her mortgage goes on a spending spree; all new windows & doors (including internal), new roof, a whole house worth of new furniture & decoration, new kitchen, front & rear gardens, driveway & new car. Then has two foreign holidays. B hasn't remotely suggested that she could share some of her good fortune with A. A is eaten up with jealousy. Jealousy at the great uplift in her sisters lifestyle & jealous hurt that her younger sister was clearly 'the favoured one' with the Peaches, which has now soured the memories of her youth. Is A right or wrong to be jealous? Is B right or wrong not to share? Both sisters are in their 60s now. I think this may be the end of their relationship.

A is my mother and she now has a massive chip on her shoulder.

theknackster Fri 03-Jun-16 18:34:34

I sometimes wish there was a 100% tax on inheritance, it seems to bring out the worst in people.

In my view, B has done nothing wrong, is under no obligation to share a penny with A (although it would have been a generous gesture) and A should be handed a grip before the poison sets in.

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 18:35:34

If I were A, exactly as you've told it, I'd be pretty jealous and bitter I expect. Hopefully not for long. I would feel that life hadn't been fair, that the Peaches were unfair, and that my sister were unfair.

If it happened to my sister and I, I think I would have split the money 50/50. I'm close to my sister though.

But it depends a bit on years of backstory. Did they both lose touch? Or perhaps was B chosen because she sent Xmas cards every year?

On the face of it, whilst thinking it would do her no good to remain bitter, I'd be very sympathetic of your mum - I'd be jealous and pissed off too!

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 18:39:36

Also, although B has got lucky despite also not being in touch - it's a bit much of A to come over all "spoiled childhood memories" at being less favoured by people she didn't bother to keep in touch with!

More charitably, was this always a feeling for her that she wasn't favoured? That can mess with you, and as they were only the neighbour's children not their own, the Peaches may have made less of an effort to hide their preference than parents might have done. So it's possibly dragging up some pretty genuine hurt.

Jelliedeels Fri 03-Jun-16 18:40:55

Nope I wouldn't share it with MY sister but she is a prick!

She won a life changing amount of money and I mean life changing. Never helped me out (ok never asked) but was going through a bad time, lost house in repossession, had to move in with husbands family . Her words were we should of saved up for a rainy day.

So no ... But that's me,

If I got on with my sister I probably would share . Sorry I digressed hmmyour post touched a nerve

QuiteLikely5 Fri 03-Jun-16 18:44:42

I can see why she would feel hard done by I would too but there's not a lot she can do about it

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 18:47:02

That sounds shit Jellied
Goes to show though about backstory.
A and B have had 40+ years of sisterhood post Peaches era.
Who's to say that A hasn't let B down in that time?
No offence to your mum! B may simply be selfish. But 40 odd years is a long time for things to have happened during.

ArgyMargy Fri 03-Jun-16 18:47:01

There must be a reason why they left all the dosh to B. Really. There are a lot of facts missing from this tale... (It's a good 'un though!)

ArgyMargy Fri 03-Jun-16 18:48:39

Maybe B didn't lose touch with the Peaches after all, and spent 40 years looking after them?!

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 18:49:40

Well, they might have just preferred B. The younger one, simply for being the little one.

Or they might have been getting on and not had good memories (if A and B are 60s, the Peaches died in their 80s probably) and even forgotten there were two of them, or remembered one name and assumed B would split it.

hollyisalovelyname Fri 03-Jun-16 18:50:16

If it is as you say it is OP I too would be flipping raging at the unfairness of it.
But life appears to me to be very unfair.
Good guys finish last.
I'm having a pessimistic day.

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 18:50:40

There could be a person C - a relative who cared for Peaches til the end who is even more pissed off than A!

WhisperingLoudly Fri 03-Jun-16 18:53:36

I cannot imagine a scenario where I wouldn't, in similar circumstances, share my good fortune with my sister. Even if we didn't get on well - Especially since the act of leaving it to one sister seems entirely arbitrary.

Is there a back story - do your mother and aunt get on? Seems very strange.

emotionsecho Fri 03-Jun-16 19:00:12

Mean of B in my opinion, in similar circumstances I can't imagine not sharing.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 03-Jun-16 19:01:07

What a shame this bequest has resulted in the sisters' relationship being damaged. It's sad your mum's happy memories of the couple are now tarnished. I can understand why your mum is disappointed. Were she and your aunt close before this windfall? It might be that your aunt's husband had a say in this.
As Cabrinha suggests, your aunt might have struggled financially in the past when your mum was oblivious or unable to help her.

YoggiePog Fri 03-Jun-16 19:02:55

If there is a backstory I'm not party to it. Previously I've only heard about the Peaches once, until now that is. We've never been a family to come together much like Christmas etc but I was never aware of bad feelings.

Fishcake72 Fri 03-Jun-16 19:05:58

Old people do odd things with their money. My grandparents cut my uncle out of their will and gave half (of a very considerable sum) to my dad and half to some people they met on holiday. My dad didn't share and dad and uncle haven't spoken since!

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 19:30:51

I viewed a house and the EA told me that it was being sold by a cat's charity. Apparently the old man hated cats and it was specially chosen as even more of an irritation to the son that he didn't want to see a penny from him. Whether the son deserved that or not, I don't know!

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 19:35:44

So the Peaches were such an amazing part of her childhood that you've only heard about them once.
Hmmmm.
Does your mum have firm for drama?
I totally get that your aunt's action could be mean, and that your mum could be jealous if there was no reason for the Peaches to favour her sister in their will.
But I lose sympathy at the stuff about tarnishing memories.

Actually... Long shot. Even if A and B didn't bother with the Lovely Peaches in adulthood, presumably they remained neighbours with their parents and swapped news.
I'm getting creative here, but obviously your mum had a child. Does you aunt?
If the Peaches suffered infertility (I hate the word barren, outside of the Bible) and loved children and knew your aunt was childless - perhaps they made assumptions and we're trying the redress the balance of life's unfairness?

YoggiePog Fri 03-Jun-16 19:48:01

A & B both had kids.

It's sad to see the effect it's having on my mum.

Cabrinha Fri 03-Jun-16 19:51:20

Bugger, I thought I had it there!

I've definitely got a bit of sympathy for your mum - I'm jealous of the bequest and I never even met the Peaches!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Fri 03-Jun-16 19:56:25

If they are both in their sixties now, it is probably more about the relationship as adults than the childhood. Perhaps they felt that B was the one who had time for them and continued the relationship?

Hockeydude Fri 03-Jun-16 20:00:57

Of course it should have been split 50:50. B's greed has cost her her sister.

Fwiw, my mil inherited 100% of a relative's estate and immediately split it with her only sibling. Just like a reasonable person would.

nilbyname Fri 03-Jun-16 20:20:13

That's heartbreaking on so many levels! What on earth were the peaches thinking!!

FoggyBottom Fri 03-Jun-16 20:26:11

Oh, I feel so for Sister A. Sister B was self-centred & actually selfish, even if she had no legal obligation to share the inheritance with Sister A.

But Sister A should stop letting it eat her up. That is what is actually the really ad thing about your story, OP.

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