I'm currently hiding out in a safe space (don't want to give too much detail just in case and have name changed in case he comes looking as he'd recognise my
Bit of backstory for context: have been with DP for 5 years, felt we were soul mates etc (mutual feelings). In the past 2 years, there have been increasing problems (both volatile) - I had an a mildly abusive childhood, he lost both his parents when he was around 10/11, so safe to say we are both a bit damaged.
We also run a business together, and as he is shit with money, I've taken over the running and management of it, (as well as salvaged the business financially, to allow it to continue trading) along with managing household finances, my kids, and life in general. To date, some of the deal-breaking issues have been: him using cash (from our clients, to be paid into business account) for his own purposes, taking my son's adhd medication (several times, in spite of me confronting him) and generally being very angry/shouty when we have conflict.
This weekend (I posted briefly about this on AIBU) an incident occurred where he flared up, whilst my DM was up for a couple of days, and involved a conflict with my DM, whilst my kids were around, and the anger issues became triggering enough for me to call the police. He didn't hit me, or anyone else, but having been through this before with a SF, and a partner, it brought back a lot of horrible memories that made me act on instinct. Fast forward to today: in spite of me repeatedly telling him I didn't want him at home, he has come home anyway (my DC are with their dad's for a couple of days). I got home after a client appointment to find him showered and in his pyjamas. He was acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and when I (admittedly snappily) said I wished he wouldn't pretend everything was normal, it all escalated again. Throuhgout the conversation, I did raise my voice, which probably wasn't wise, but I turned up and he was in his pyjamas and I just felt a bit WTF about it all (he's been away for 2 nights. Anyway, words were exchanged, and ended up shouting and door-slamming and telling me that I was a hypocrite and that I deserved to be shouted at.
I've told him I'm not working with him tomorrow (We have a job to do tomorrow, but I have told him several times over the past 2 days that its a bad idea as its a client-facing role and I don't want us to look unprofessional). I've also reiterated that I want him to find somewhere else to live (to which he has replied "I will...,but I won't be rushed"). I can be very reactive, and I think I still have a lot of unresolved triggers to do with DV, that I haven't dealt with yet, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable. He makes me feel like I am.
If you've read this far, Thankyou. When the door slamming started, I ran away to my office and am sleeping here tonight, but part of me feels like I'm being a drama queen. Some perspective would really be appreciated.
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Please tell me I'm doing the right thing (I think I am but having a wobble) - long post, sorry X
19 replies
gingergenie · 02/06/2016 22:09
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