Feeling lonely In my relationship

[Superwoman905]

Hello everyone, I'm a young mummy to a beautiful 20month old boy and he's my rock, I've been with my partner for 3 and a half years and all started well, things became rocky when I was pregnant and ever since my little was born he has obviously been my life but for my partner not so much. We still don't live together and I'm starting to doubt if we ever will, my boyfriend has only just got a job so hasn't really paid much for our son at all, I've worked my socks off in a nursery with 40 hours a week plus looking after my son while my partner doesn't seem to care of help out. I don't feel any support from him. He texts back every few hours, doesn't ever seem to put us as his priority. I just feel I'm losing confidence, I'm not myself and I feel stuck on what to do, it breaks my heart he's not around for our son. He comes every week or maybe even two for 2/3 nights and that's about it. Even when I go to soft play and I went with my mum as I don't really have any baby mama friends or may of my own since my son was born but just seeing the other dads take their children and enjoy them etc. Made me become teary and hate myself. Any advise? I'm probably silly to still be standing with my boyfriend and just feel taken for granted. Thank you for anyone who reads sorry it's long lol! X

[niceupthedance]

Don't hate yourself, direct it at him. He sounds selfish, are there any good things about him? I know it's hard but you need to accept that he may never be the loving parent you wanted him to be. At the least I'd be on to the child maintenance service to get him to contribute. And then use all the energy you are wasting on this idiot to make you and your dc happy.

[timelytess]

He comes for two or three nights? For sex? Free sex, accommodation and food, no doubt?

Sack the loser and focus on you and your child. Go through the system to get maintenance. Allow access on your terms. Don't blame yourself. You're working and looking after a baby so you don't have much time for 'friends', that isn't your fault. Generally, look at what's good in your life and keep it, and bin the rest.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

He's not your partner. Partners support each other. He's a man who likes to have sex with you at his own convenience, and feels no sense of responsibility towards you or his child.

It's sad, but this selfish and entitled person is who he is.

You can't turn him into a loving father and partner, so start focusing on what you can do, which is to be the best parent to your son that you can be, surround yourself only with people who love you for who you are, and buy whatever paying childcare you can afford.

You will feel miles better than continuing to hope for your child's father to be a better man, which is the same as trying to squeeze blood from a stone.

[SandyY2K]

How stable and solid was this relationship before you both brought a child into the world? Was he keen to be a father? Because if a relationship isn't on firm ground a baby will only put a lot more pressure on the two of you.

By having a baby and not living together he avoids so much of the work involved. Men can also feel neglected when you have a baby .... being somewhat immature and even jealous of the time you spend with the baby. Very childish I know.

Parenthood is a huge responsibility and some men (and women too) are just not prepared for how much hard work kids can be.

What does he do for your son?
What does he do for you?
What pleasure does he bring you?
Do you ever get a break from the baby?
Does he pay child support?

Think long and hard if he actually adds anything to the relationship and if he sees you both in a long term relationship.

[ravenmum]

You're not silly to stay with him, just hopeful and a lot more mature than him by the sound of it. But I agree with the others. ... You're already a single mum basically and doing well. May as well make it official.

You really can't have much time for friends, but maybe put up an ad for other young mums in your area? You might be able to get together a little club for mutual support and the odd night out.

[Superwoman905]

Thank you all for replying! I appreciate all your advise, I just says it all and me and my son come first.

[Chocolatefudgecake100]

Sorry to say this but hes clearly enjoying a double life and having his cake n eating it its not fair on you and im surprised youve gone on this long because this isnt a relationship thats normal im afraid u deserve alot more than a part time dad to your child and partner to yourself you shouldnt allow it because this isnt the type of relationship your child should grow up n think is normal xx

[Superwoman905]

That's exactly how it is and obviously seems! I don't want to be a pushover or to put up with it. I guess even though it's not benefiting my son, I still stupidly believe he wants me and our son enough to change but I'd have a long life waiting and I don't want that! Just need to work out the best way to do it. Thank you for your advise and reply! X

[Chocolatefudgecake100]

Ur not a pushover u maybe just love the guy and that rules your heart and head its not easy sometimes its easy to just pretend but u and ur child deserve more and it will be his loss maybe a frank discussion with him will wake him up? If not u deserve more xx