Hi everyone.
I am in a very low place at the moment in myself ... 3 years ago when i was pregnant with our daughter I suspected my husband was cheating. We were having a rough time mainly due to the pregnancy being painful start to finish .. He swore he wasn't.
I ended up on medication from the anxiety I had developed through paranoia .. Then i found messages on his phone.
He still swore nothing happened and so did she. They said it was just messages and they were just friends (she had a husband and 5 kids)
It took months to move past but i was so vulnerable I needed him.
I was glad I gave it another chance because after the bumps and tears over the months, we came out stronger and happier and more in love ...
3 months ago I got a message from the OW's husband saying she has finally admitted to having sex.
My OH denied this still!!
over the course of 3 weeks, I got it out of him and more details. They both said they had sex once and kissed 3 times (over 6months??!! ... I dont think so...)
I still think there was more ...
I lost my job in the process of all this ..
Anyway. I kicked him out. I left but missed the children too much so I went back. .. went back on medication. Came off medication because i couldn't handle the tiredness they caused.
We are living together and "trying" ... really I think I am just seeing how time passes.
I dont know what to do ... I love him. I do.
But I cant look at him the same ... The sex somehow is better than ever ???(although not half as much -due to me ofc) But I do not respect him the same and see him as a selfish, weak, narrow-minded liar.
Hes remorseful and swears he will do what ever it takes to make it upto me. I believe he will not do this again and he is really sorry.
But do i even want to go through all this again? The months of heartache and more medication?!
I think for the kids if anything we should try.
But in the meantime, I feel bipolar! One moment Im so happy we are strong enough to try and I fall into his arms like nothing ever happened. The next minute Im angry, disgusted and hate him being near me. Then numb again. Then everything again. Its not healthy ...
I cant get the images out of my head! everytime it makes me sick and breaks my heart ...
I even thought about having an affair to get back at him!! but this doesn't sound wise.
How long can we possibly go on like this? Should I just cut my losses and tell him to go? Or is love always worth saving?
Please help me i am so lost :(
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Relationships
Cheating husband
12 replies
mummycookie22 · 06/05/2016 14:25
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