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Should I contact the gf/ow?

(20 Posts)
Deucebumps Tue 19-Apr-16 17:47:05

Found out on Sunday night the guy I've been dating since Christmas has been sleeping with someone else the entire time. I don't know which of us is the OW.

After two days of him denying he had any idea what could possibly have made me so angry that I woke him up and kicked him out at 1am, he's realised that I found out and has blocked me on phone/social media. I'm quite happy to never set eyes on the cunt again, however from the messages I saw, the other girl has no idea he's a lying piece of shit.

I don't want to be the 'vindictive ex', but she has a young child and if it was me I'd want to know that he's a two timing bastard. So, do I try and message her to warn her about him, or do I leave it and move on with my life?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 19-Apr-16 17:54:01

You could do.
I know when my ExH cheated that people didn't tell me and I wasted months worrying, checking up on things and generally thinking I was slightly insane.
I wasn't. But I had to find out on my own.
It would have really been a bolt from the blue but I so wish someone had told me.

But... More often than not the messenger gets shot.
And what do you actually owe this woman?

These people were my friends and I would have hoped that at least one of them would have had my back. But this isn't the case here.

She might not believe you but if you can tell her in a sympathetic way then she may well thank you (I doubt it though)

whimsical1975 Tue 19-Apr-16 18:02:19

I would tell her, explain that it's over between the two of you but you thought she had a right to know... then put it behind you... What happens after that is their business - utter twat!!!

greensea Tue 19-Apr-16 18:02:55

Yes tell her. I would appreciate it if I were her, but it isn't really your problem if she believes and/or hates you.
Hope you are okay!

Jan45 Tue 19-Apr-16 18:03:41

Yes tell her, be honest and upfront, he sounds lovely not.

horseygeorgie Tue 19-Apr-16 18:04:04

I would want to know personally so I'd tell her.

Lunar1 Tue 19-Apr-16 18:04:31

Tell her, you both need to get an sti check.

FelicityR313 Tue 19-Apr-16 18:05:02

Yes tell her. Fucker doesn't deserve to be protected.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 19-Apr-16 18:05:17

I'd tell her cos if I was being cheated on I'd want to know. flowers

Seas Tue 19-Apr-16 18:06:47

I would tell her too.

Deucebumps Tue 19-Apr-16 18:12:07

I've already booked myself in to get checked out. I'm angry with myself for believing his bullshit, he had the nerve to come over blind drunk Sunday eve, tell me he loved me then pass out. His phone kept going off and when I glanced over to check it wasn't anything urgent saw the messages. Must confess I don't feel too guilty about the fact I had to slap him twice to rouse him (he was that drunk!)

I know I don't owe her anything and she may well not believe me, but I want to at least try to warn her

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Tue 19-Apr-16 18:18:22

This sort of happened to me only the other way around iyswim. Years ago my dp was having an emotional affair with another woman and she found out about me, I knew nothing about her. She messaged me and all hell broke loose. I wasn't angry with her in the least, I was glad she'd told and frankly I felt sorrier for her than myself as he'd been filling her head with shit for a long time. My dp and I worked through it and I really hope she's much happier too.

MilkshakeMonkey Tue 19-Apr-16 18:51:31

Tell her.
It will give you closure also.
If it was me, I'd want to know

ButIbeingpoor Tue 19-Apr-16 19:06:45

Tell her. He's making a fool out of her: he tried to make a fool out of you but didn't pull it off. Fair play to you.

Deucebumps Tue 19-Apr-16 19:25:55

Thanks everyone. Is it me or is it always the men with the sob story about their ex cheating on them, who turn out to be the cheats? And we really 'clicked'. He got my (frankly bizarre) sense of humour, I didn't have to censor everything in my head before I said anything... I could just be 100% myself with him, I've never felt like I could do that with anyone else.

I'm done crying over it. God, how do I even word the message? I know it'll be a shock to her no matter what, but how can I say it kindly?

Resilience16 Tue 19-Apr-16 20:28:16

If you do contact her I would keep it factual and simple, something along the lines of "I thought you should know I was dating x from x to x. I didn't know he was seeing someone else, and he initially denied it but I found messages on his phone. We are now no longer together but I thought you deserved to know."
You had a lucky escape there Deucebumps, better to find out and cut your losses after 3 months than three years!
You deserve better.Onwards and upwards x

amarmai Tue 19-Apr-16 21:07:42

tell her how her messages on such and such a date was how you found out about the 2 timing asshole and you wish you had replied right then but first you had to smack the bugger and kick him out of your house and he took his phone with him.

janaus Tue 19-Apr-16 23:49:48

Please tell her. She deserves to know what she is dealing with. If he lies and worms his way out, at least she has had warning. Wish I had a chance. Ignorance is not bliss.

Model1 Wed 20-Apr-16 20:13:53

Yes, tell her. I wish someone had told me! After I found out about my ex dh cheating, I wondered if I should start up a service to be the middle man in telling cheated on women on behalf of the OW.

Yoursecondbest1 Wed 20-Apr-16 20:32:51

Tell her. Life would be a lot easier for women if more told. Then she knows where she is in her life. There is also the horrible thing where they think they are going mad suspecting things but no proof, which is the worst part.

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