Been seeing a lovely bloke I met online for 10 months now. I have 2 DC, so does he, similar ages. We've been talking recently about whether to introduce them.
I've been split from exH for 2.5 years, he's been split from his ex for nearly 2 years and I'm the first person he's dated.
He knows I dated other people before him, but he's never asked about it and I've never told him any details. In actual fact, I got into quite a serious, in hindsight a bit of a rebound relationship, only 2 months after splitting from exH. He met the DC, who really liked him, but it all fizzled out after about 5 months. Nothing bad happened, the DC were fine, but I've always kicked myself for introducing him too soon. And the DC still mention him fondly every now and then, despite the fact it's over a year since they've seen him!
So, I think it's inevitable that if I introduce the DC to current boyfriend, at some point they will mention 'oh, mummy used to have a boyfriend called X...'. So I guess I need to tell him first. But I'm just worried he'll judge me. He's done everything just right- waited a year before dating, waited 8 months before even talking about introducing DC to each other.... I did the complete opposite!
Should I tell him? Or just wait and see if the DC mention it and then brush it off like it's no big deal?
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why am I so nervous about telling boyfriend about previous relationship?
mushroomsontoast · 13/04/2016 19:01
10 months isn't too soon 
I never know what the MN approved length of time is but imo 10 months is ample time. I say that as a child of divorce!
So let me get this straight?
You were honest with your children that you were dating, you introduced a boyfriend who they liked, you showed them that sometimes it doesn't have legs and it can all be wrapped up calmly with no drama?
If you want to claim moral superiority* - I think that you modelled some great behaviour there and gave your kids a good life lesson.
*I know you don't 
When your children start to date, it will almost certainly be a series of short term relationships. That is the nature of the beast. It is no bad thing for them to learn that dating is an audition process, that it is a time when they will get to know people and make choices. It is good for them to know that mum had a boyfriend and it's no big deal. My caveat would be that the kids shouldn't be used to create a happy family scenario or introduced if they don't want to be, or expected to treat someone like My New Daddy. It is wrong to present a new boyfriend as a permanent fixture. But it's not wrong to have them play a role equal to that of one of your other friends - just there, having fun.
I don't think that my way is the only way. I really understand those on here who prefer to wait until they hope it's serious (no guarantees then though either). But introducing early is not wrong.
If you want to make a different decision in future - all power to you. But your boyfriend is not some moral demigod because he didn't make your choices!
Just remember: you taught your kids that things don't always last and that you date nice men that they like. What's bad there?
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