Has anyone else who's left a long abusive marriage found it takes an incredibly long time to readjust? I'm a year and a half out of a terribly controlling and abusive 19yr marriage but I still can't shake that feeling of the 'black cloud' hovering just over my shoulder. It makes me feel afraid to do the things I want to do, even though I know I am now free to do them. In shops, when choosing things, I still feel his negativity/disapproval. It makes it very difficult to enjoy myself. I can go to the tills and purchase what I want and I can now bring stuff home and not have to hide it but I still have this feeling 'I'm being bad, I'm being bad' and mentally I cower. This permeates so much of my life. The fridge isn't arranged the way he'd like it and every time I open the door I am reminded. If I get the car washed I know he'd disapprove as I should do it myself. I have nightmares about his anger as if we were still together. When will it stop? Will I ever be normal again?
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