I think anyway. We have had very little sex for the past 10 years, more me than him but neither of us seem to have high libidos. I have had my testosterone levels measured and they are virtually non-existent. I was referred to a consultant as my GP at the time realised it is a problem but saw a junior dr who asked if I had thought of trying foreplay and couldn't understand that it wasn't that I didn't know how to shag well, or have orgasms because I usually have multiples, it was because I had no desire whatsoever to have sex. With anyone. Fast forward years and we haven't shagged in 2 years. Kids are hard work, one with SN, work situation precarious and other family worries but still, we should be having sex. He always gave me the feeling he was up for it if I wanted but not anymore. We cuddle and say I love you and he squeezes me in bed but I have noticed that has decreased in the last couple of months - the cuddling in bed. Also, the suggestive remarks don't happen anymore. Neither of us were active in this area and it seemed balanced even though we were aware we should make the effort. I genuinely do not think he is having an affair. We have talked about it and Dh used to reassure me he still found me attractive but we never did get round to getting on with it!
I have put on loads of weight, it just sort of crept on, more and faster than I realised and now I am a repulsive lump. I used to be lovely and Dh did comment once recently, bluntly (on Asd spectrum) if I was going to just keep piling on weight and I was devastated. He couldn't see anything wrong with comment. I said I knew I had become over-weight, why did he need to point it out? I grew up with a mother with very disordered eating and my self-esteem is very much tied to my weight. I have been on ADs for a year and they really helped but think they contributing to weight gain hugely. I can't face the thought of not taking them though. Also tired beyond belief but bloods normal. I am in early middle aged, DH approaching 60.
I don't blame him for not finding me attractive anymore, I totally understand but I still unfairly feel resentful about it. If Dh had piled on 5 stone I wouldn't feel attracted to him, so why should he? I know I need to lose weight and we just get on with having sex and get back into the habit but I think he no longer wants to.
But how am I going to get over him not finding me attractive now, even though I get it? I am not clinically obese or huge, I still have the defined waist, bum, boobs , just with rolls, but I am pretty overweight now. But I just feel so affronted and hurt. Even though logically I understand it.
And what can I do about increasing my libido? I don't think it is as simple as getting back in the habit. It feels as though it disappeared years ago. After my first kid. Once a month on ovulation day I feel some vague stirring but it is nothing really. And now I feel inhibited, repulsive and let down that I don't have normal sexually desire. I tried DIY but ADs have made it almost impossible and tbh I end up not being bothered and going to sleep.
Please don't flame me for being a shite wife/partner. I don't need that. I dislike myself enough.
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Relationships
DH doesn't find me attractive anymore
Toounhappynow · 01/04/2016 22:06
I don't think this is so much about your relationship as about your feelings about your size. From what you've said, your DH has not explicitly said he doesn't find you attractive (I know he talked about you getting bigger but that's not the same thing). Is it possible that you are imposing your insecurities onto him? You say that you are not keen on having sex so could he not simply be trying to respect your wishes? I think you need to have a frank conversation with your DH - you may find that he is not judging you like you think.
I don't think things are as bad as you think.
ADs - Citalopram - completely killed my libido, and I piled on the weight too. I was also perpetually exhausted. There are threads elsewhere on here by women who have experienced the same effect when taking this medication. That said, they were a complete lifesaver for me - literally.
I was able to gradually wean myself off them after taking them for 18m and my weight has dropped but not by as much as I would like. I know I need to exercise and eat more sensibly/drink less. But my libido has returned, albeit not with the same ferocity as in my earlier years, but sufficient to restore intimacy.
I agree with ChampagneTastes, this is probably more about your own sense of self and self-worth rather than any lack of reciprocal interest on your DH's part. Why not go back to your GP and discuss your concerns? My GP was brilliant and referred me for counselling which I found hugely helpful. Perhaps think about couples counselling too, so that you can express your hurt and doubts in a facilitated environment? You sound lovely and have a lot to deal with. for you.
Hedda, I just spat my tea out.
So that's why I am fat! I subconsciously want to repulse anyone from having sex with me!! You are a genius!
I hear the Samaritans are having a recruitment drive, just FYI.
Everyone is different I suppose Turkey well done on the weight loss that's incredible 
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