advice please

[amylou1]

Hello I was wondering if anyone could give me a bit of advice or reassurance? I'm happily married to my husband of 14 years and we have lovely two young children. My husband is good looking, hard working, loving, dependable. Not perfect in all ways, can be moody but a pretty good catch I'd say. Recently I've been feeling increasingly nostalgic/retrospective and have found myself thinking/dreaming about other men. A colleague from work has appeared in my dreams a few times now as well as an ex boyfriend who I haven't seen for a long time. Last week I happened to be working with a man I haven't seen for around ten years but with whom I had what you would probably call an 'emotional affair'. Nothing ever happened or was said but I was completely in love with him and I'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual. It took me a very long time to get over this man. Seeing him last week brought back a lot of those old very intense feelings and since then I have felt terribly depressed and found myself obsessively thinking about him. He's married, so am I. I know it would have been an almighty mess and I don't even want anything to ever happen between us but can't seem to make these feelings go away and it makes me wonder what is wrong with me? I married young (at 21) and did all my growing up with my husband. I've never been unfaithful. I'm a good Mum.

[HeddaGarbled]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming or daydreaming about other men. It is perfectly normal and can be fun. Your current feelings about this particular man are because you have recently seen him. Give it a few months and they'll go. Don't let it make you low. Enjoy a bit of fantasising. I bet your H indulges in minor fantasies about good looking women he knows or sees or are celebrities etc.

Problems would only arise if you take these feelings too seriously or act on them or share them with your H.

Marriages go through periods like this. You've been together a long time. Of course you are both going to be sexually attracted to other people and sometimes be bored with the familiarity of sex with each other. This can be exacerbated if you are feeling particularly fed up with him at the moment - you mention his moodiness. How bad is this? Does it need sorting out?

Of course you are a good mum. And there is nothing wrong with you. You are a normal healthy woman with a normal healthy sexuality. You also have good moral values and a lot of sense.

[amylou1]

HeddaGarbled thank you for you're kind reply. I feel much better now. And your screen name is genius!

[HeddaGarbled]