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Week today since I discovered his affair

(14 Posts)
EdgeofGlory Sat 19-Mar-16 16:58:32

Last Saturday evening late in I woke up on the sofa to hear my husband of 11years on the phone to someone who turned out to be a woman. I kicked him out and he's in a hotel. Turns out it's an 8month relationship, texts, emails and the odd kiss. They met on the train to work. She's been with the same guy for 30yrs. Never any discussion of leaving partners.

After a night of constant vomiting and a day of swollen eyes I am now feeling ok, relaxed and bizarrely chilled. I think that's because I'm in control and he regrets his dreadful mistake and wants to come back, I'm actually enjoying seeing him squirm!

We have 3 children, 18&16 from my first marriage, 9yes from our marriage.

6yrs ago he did the same thing, texting and emailing. We went to counselling and managed 6yrs before this.

He's living in a hotel for the last week, texting me, we've met up. I had an hour with the counsellor which helped, she says I need to know why it happened, the root of his attention seeking problem.

I know I'm rambling, just needed to share sad

RedMapleLeaf Sat 19-Mar-16 17:06:34

I had an hour with the counsellor which helped, she says I need to know why it happened, the root of his attention seeking problem.

Really? And does she think that's a realistic proposition?

2flyforwifi2 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:08:50

The second time he has done this or the second time he has been caught? Do you want him back? I wouldn't!! Id be going through his computer, phone records, boot of his car etc. Just because he says nothing physical happened, doesn't mean its true. Time to end it! I hope you are ok

Msqueen33 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:09:31

Once depending on what had happened I'd maybe be inclined to forgive (I'm not the forgiving type but I know most people are). But to do it twice!!!! To hurt you twice doesn't sound like he's even thought about what happened the first time. I hope it works out for you.

Goingtobeawesome Sat 19-Mar-16 17:24:33

So when a husband wants attention from his wife he has an emotional/physical affair? hmm

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 19-Mar-16 17:30:39

Your counsellor sounds shit.

He is a cheater. Twice its happened. Theres no reasoning for that other than he is a dick.

RaspberryOverload Sat 19-Mar-16 17:32:27

I had an hour with the counsellor which helped, she says I need to know why it happened, the root of his attention seeking problem.

Why is the counsellor trying to make it your problem to solve?

It's not.

If he genuinely wants to resolve this he needs to be the one getting couselling to sort his issues out.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sat 19-Mar-16 17:33:27

8 months of the odd kiss? Pull the other one!

liberatedwine Sat 19-Mar-16 17:40:27

I wouldn't entertain the idea of reconciliation. He's a serial cheater. I'd be packing his stuff in boxes, moving it into the garage, and changing the locks. I'd dump the counsellor too.

winkywinkola Sat 19-Mar-16 21:09:15

I wonder what her oh thinks and knows.

I bet he wouldn't be best pleased either.

Op, take some time to decide what you realistically think is the truth. And what you want.

Please don't be rushed.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Sat 19-Mar-16 21:21:08

Sorry you are going through this OP, but if you take him back he'll cheat again, and again and again!

I'm shocked at your counsellors advice? Why do you need to analyse HIS cheating ways to understand he's a cheater? It's a no brainer! It is not for you to analyse. He needs to analyse why he cheats/"attention seeker" and is incapable of staying faithful, if anything you need to analyse why you keep taking him back and not take him back again.

Good luck.

Damselindestress Sun 20-Mar-16 17:13:23

Sorry to be blunt but what you have discovered is probably the tip of the iceberg. Your husband has only confessed because he got caught so he will only reveal what he thinks he can't cover up. It's highly unlikely that the only physical contact during an 8 month affair was "the odd kiss". I'm not saying this to upset you but so that you can protect yourself and get tested for STIs and so you can seriously think about whether you really want to let him back into your life. Also consider seeing a counsellor who is looking out for your emotional wellbeing rather than looking for excuses for your husband's behaviour. Good luck for the future.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 17:41:16

The 'root' cause of his 'attention seeking problem' is his inability to keep his flies zipped because the size of his ego is disproportionate to the size of his dick.

He gets off on cheating; he loves the thrill of the chase and the terms of endearment the ow lavish on him. It bigs him up to think of himself as being important to, and desired by, a woman to whom he is not legally tied. He relishes the clandestine nature of his affairs and enjoys hugging his 'secret' to him.

Twice in 11 years? I'd put money on there being at least another couple of ow he's had penetrative sex with that you don't know about and more than a few who didn't get beyond the emailing/texting stage.

As the saying goes, 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me' and there's no prizes for guessing what will happen if you don't adhere to the policy of 2 strikes and you're out.

Don't give him a chance to shame you again. Make him squirm in the divorce courts and him that, as you'll be citing his adultery, he's best advised to tell the ow you'll be naming as her co-respondent in your petition so she can break the news to her cuckolded oh.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 17:41:55

and tell him that

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