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Need advice on how to cope until I can leave

(2 Posts)
GettingfedupoftryingtoNConhere Mon 14-Mar-16 22:10:49

Name changed because I am a random regular poster. Okay so, DH and I have been together 4 years, married for two and have a baby DD (7 months), I also have a DS1 from a previous relationship. He has always been pretty closed off when it comes to discussing issues but since I have been pregnant has got worse and worse. It has got to a point now where if I try to talk about the problem he will literally ignore me acting like I haven’t even spoken or will just walk out of the room.
To make things clear, they are the same problems that appeared since I fell pregnant: no intimacy from him, he just sits and stares at the TV or the game on his phone, with a very brief ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to something I have said. Is great with DD but seems to think that any feelings I have are basically a no-no unless they are about how great things are, which they are not. I’ve tried to understand things from his point of view, he doesn’t find it easy to talk but he is now at a place where he just refuses to even acknowledge anything from my point of view and just pretends that I haven’t said a word.
This post isn’t about if he is right or wrong, I think it’s gone beyond that now. I am no angel but I do try to see both sides, not nag as he hates this too. Like I said that problems have been around now for nearly a year so yes, I have brought them up more than once but only after giving it weeks to see if he will ever sort it out, but that doesn’t seem to happen. But I need advice on how to deal with things from hereon in. I have pretty much accepted that this can’t go on for much longer and as he doesn’t or can’t seem to change we have to split up. I love him so much but can’t spend the rest of my life feeling like I am pretty much non-existent in this relationship.
I am currently not working, nor have a job to go back to and also no savings. DH owns the house and whilst I know that I am entitled to half or whatever it is, I just don’t feel comfortable making him move out instead of me and then me taking however much of what he has paid into for the last 18 years (I moved in two years ago after selling my house). So, how do I cope until I can figure out a practical way of leaving? I can’t carry on pretending everything is fine and dandy, because he will just see that as a green light to carrying on the way he has for this long, as much as I want him to be more like the man I married and for everything to improve, I have to accept that this probably won’t be the case, which breaks my heart.
I don’t want to give him the cold shoulder or argue until I can sort something out because frankly that could take months/years – who bloody knows at the moment. So please, can anyone give me advice on how to cope until I can leave? I am at my wits end and miserable as sin. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

HeddaGarbled Mon 14-Mar-16 23:38:50

I don't think this is something that you can cope with long term without serious damage to your mental health.

Why not just get divorce proceedings underway?

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